The Bugle Wiki


He was a tall manboy who went onto achieve great things. Some would say he was the smartest man alive, others would say that he was the strongest. Every morn, he would eat a large breakfast that could feed two or three militiamen, consisting of nothing but naan bread. His beard was made of gold, but he never sold it. He was so tall, some believed he could look up into the clouds and talk to Zeus himself.

Personal Revelations[]

He once stated in a TV appearance with Fearne Cotton that Smith has, "...heard every joke ever told ever told but with a Rabbi." in the same interview he revealed that his only regret was, "not appearing in the triple award-winning cinematic experience that was The Love Guru."

He is (a) Legend[]

Smith's acting chops have landed him many plum film roles, including the world's worst Bob Conrad impersonator in Wild Wild West, the titular ill-fated British comic legend in Hancock (which was actually a half hour long, or at least seemed to be in the cinema), and the enigmatic 'Himself' in Welcome To Hollywood.  But it was not until playing the part of last-man-on-Earth Robert Neville (aka Neville Roberts, aka 'Bob The Nev') in I Am Legend that Smith's quest for Oscar glory began in earnest.  In the film, which showed the graphic results of a London-style traffic congestion tax imposed on Manhattan, Smith plays a scientist striving to find better ways to torment rats.  Alone in the world apart from his dog and a ripped copy of Bob Marley Plays The Top 20 Heavy-Handed Metaphors About Hope And Faith, Neville drives round the overgrown, lifeless streets of New York in a mobile Ford Mustang commercial with anti-skid braking and deer-chasing tyres.  Cranking petrol that should have degenerated into useless sludge long ago from handy gas stations and not looking at blatant plugs for superhero movies that rights issues will ensure never get made, our hero chats to former members of Kraftwerk in DVD stores and wonders why other survivors don't cross the destroyed bridges and flooded car tunnels that block all outside access to Manhattan and come have lunch with him. But, it's not all SR-71 mini-putt and dog baths for our solitary scientist.  Sharing the island with him are 'the things that aren't really given a name', mostly nude lunatics who only come out at night and make horrible roaring noises.  These creatures survive from an earlier draft of the film that was set in a fully-populated Edinburgh on any given Friday evening.  Despite not really constituting any sort of threat to him, Neville is deeply afraid of the creatures, and goes out of his way to ensure he is killed by them.  Eventually, a woman and a kid turn up, and depending on which cut of the movie you're watching, you either feel let down or extremely confused in a 'But hang on...if those survivors were there, why didn't they reply to his radio mess...oh, sod this, I'm off for a pint" way by the ending.

Fuck you Chris