A group of hardcore Buglers decided one day to go through each Bugle and list down the memorable jokes, phrases, puns, and moments of the Bugle. Now this dream is becoming a reality.
After the list of recurring jokes and characters, there is a summary of each issue of the Bugle. Long and/or memorable jokes, segments and quotes have the start time next to them. This area needs work - many Bugle issues are still unaccounted for and we are told it's not safe for them to be out there on their own. If you find any lost Bugles, shivering in an alleyway looking cold and alone, try to bring them home safe. But remember the 3 basic Bugle Safety Rules: 1. Do not expose Bugles or Bugle hosts to sunlight, for they are pasty and British and therefore fear the sun, 2. Do not feed facts to a Bugle after midnight, it gives them rumbly tummies, 3. Do not ask John to complete the Audio Cryptic Crossword.
- 1 Recurring Jokes/Characters
- 2 Issue 1: How like Vietnam is Iraq?
- 3 Issue 2: The Empire Strikes Back
- 4 Issue 3: California's Burning
- 5 Issue 4: Immigrant's Song
- 6 Issue 5: 110 Per Cent Behind Musharraf
- 7 Issue 6: OPEC: Let's talk oil and fiery rhetoric
- 8 Issue 7: 25 million people missing
- 9 Issue 8: Australians keep touching the Queen
- 10 Issue 9: Iran: Nukes or No Nukes?
- 11 Issue 10: Have an Adequate Christmas
- 12 Issue 10A: The Very Best (so far!)
- 13 Issue 11: After Iowa, only 302 days left to go
- 14 Issue 12: Bush brings yet more chaos to the Middle East
- 15 Issue 13: After 433 years, Sark finally gets democracy
- 16 Issue 14: Money, Money, Money
- 17 Issue 15: A Message to You, Rudy
- 18 Issue 16: Afghanistan in a Zen State of Chaos
- 19 Issue 17: The Guantanamo Graduates
- 20 Issue 18: Is Fidel Castro Road Runner?
- 21 Issue 19: A Very British Earthquake
- 22 Issue 20: Who's the Least Democratic of Them All?
- 23 Issue 21: Swearing at the Queen!
- 24 Issue 21a: DVD Extras
- 25 Issue 22: Hugo 'Crackers from Caracas' Chavez
- 26 Issue 23: How is Mugabe Losing a Rigged Election?
- 27 Issue 24: Was Stonehenge an ancient tax dodge?
- 28 Issue 25: John loves the Pope
- 29 Issue 26: Food! Non-existent Food!
- 30 Issue 27: The Swimsuit Edition
- 31 Issue 28: Dead Hill Walking
- 32 Issue 29: Adults and Aliens
- 33 Issue 30: Volcano Porn
- 34 Issue 31: Sharon Stone fludges her pontullius
- 35 Issue 32: Obama and KSM
- 36 Issue 33: George Bush: 'Regrets? I've had a few'
- 37 Issue 34: You Will Know Us By Our Knobbly Fruit
- 38 Issue 35: Barack Obama and his disappearing change hat
- 39 Issue 35a: Independence Day* Special
- 40 Issue 36: Oil Prices, recession & inflation but what do the G8 do? Have an 18 course meal
- 41 Issue 37: Barack Obama is coming to Europe!
- 42 Issue 38: Karadzic's Scooby Doo disguise
- 43 Issue 39: McCain, Andy and John plumb new depths with their Obama attack ad
- 44 Issue 40: Osama Bin Laden's taxi driver
- 45 Issue 41: Russia gets gold at Olympic sport of invasion
- 46 Issue 42: An Olympics Special
- 47 Issue 43: Democratic convention special
- 48 Issue 44: Republican Convention Special
- 49 Issue 44.1: The sub-issue you've all been waiting for
- 50 Issue 45: Help Save The Investment Banker
- 51 Issue 46: Economic Armageddon Approacheth
- 52 Issue 47: Sarah Palin- One giant leap backwards for humankind
- 53 Issue 48: How Low Will They Go?
- 54 Issue 49: Joe the plumber now regrets chatting to Barack Obama
- 55 Issue 50: US Election nearly over!
- 56 Issue 51: Let it all be over soon!
- 57 Issue 52: Spoiler alert! Obama won
- 58 Issue 53: Obama and his not so secret code name
- 59 Issue 54: The Vegas Special
- 60 Issue 55a: The Thanksgiving Special
- 61 Issue 55: Shooting One's Own Leg
- 62 Issue 56: Selling Barack Obamas seat
- 63 Issue 57: Hats off to Obama shoes off for Bush
- 64 Issue 58: What Did you get for Xmas? Peace In The Middle East?
- 65 Issue 59: Why Obama's inauguration will be like the Rio carnival
- 66 Issue 60: Goodbye George Hello Barack
- 67 Issue 61: Obama Inauguration Special
- 68 Issue 62: Obama and his do nothing wonderland
- 69 Issue 63: Foreign Snow Invades Britain
- 70 Issue 64: Bankers pretend to apologise
- 71 Issue 64, Appendage 1: The new webpage guided tour
- 72 Issue 65: Will Obamas stimulus revive the world economy? Who cares
- 73 Issue 66: Brown gets rubbish present from Obama
- 74 Issue 67: Monkey News Special!
- 75 Issue 68: Obama and his Al Qaeda Style Video
- 76 Issue 69: Possibly the longest penis joke in the world, ever
- 77 Issue 70: G-G-G-G-G-GEEEE 20
- 78 Issue 70 and a bit: Supplementary Easter Egg
- 79 Issue 71: Torture and Dictators special
- 80 Issue 72: The Real Swine Flu Vaccine
- 81 Issue 73: Are the Taliban skiing down the Swat Valley?
- 82 Issue 74: Claiming expenses for MPs that do not exist
- 83 Issue 75: What to do with Gitmo let fear decide
- 84 Issue 76: Calling out North Korea
- 85 Issue 77: Gordon Brown gets a bad dose of the quits
- 86 Issue 78: Apathy or the far right Europe decides
- 87 Issue 79: Iranian election special
- 88 Issue 80: Iran, pick on a country your own size!
- 89 Issue 80 point 5: Independence Day Special
- 90 Issue 81: The G8 the world's slowest superheroes
- 91 Issue 82: Freedom of Speech Special
- 92 Issue 83: Obama pay for this or you will be dead
- 93 Issue 84: Future Special
- 94 Issue 85: I need a hero! Bill Clinton goes to North Korea
- 95 Issue 86: Burma triumphs in made up crime prevention
- 96 Issue 87: Afghanistan celebrates election with fireworks or guns
- 97 Issue 88: Iran and its glitzy show trials
- 98 Issue 88.1: Travel Section
- 99 The Bugle is still on holiday
- 100 Issue 89: Good Health Bad Health
- 101 Issue 90: Bring on the crazy, Gaddafi!
- 102 Issue 91: Happy Birthday Communist China
- 103 Issue 92: Obama wins first preemptive Nobel Peace Prize
- 104 Issue 93: Peak Oil Special
- 105 Issue 94: Does the EU really want El Presidente Blair?
- 106 Issue 94 and a half: Autumn Vacation
- 107 Issue 95: Walls, Wars and Power
- 108 Issue 96: Two Star Review for this year's Queen's Speech
- 109 Issue 96A: Thanksgiving for Berlusconi
- 110 Issue 97: Bad News for Stupid Buildings, Afghanistan and shoes
- 111 Issue 98: Britain can no longer afford defence against aliens
- 112 Issue 99: Berlusconi takes a cathedral to the face
- 113 Issue 99A: The Best of 99 Bugles
- 114 Issue 99B: The Bugle Musical Special
- 115 Issue 100: The 100th Episode
- 116 Issue 101: Barack Obama and how to lose hope and irritate people
- 117 Issue 102: Why the global economy is like Elvis
- 118 Issue 103: Climate change denial and Narnia of nutcases
- 119 Issue 104: Valentines Day Special
- 120 Issue 104a: Where is John?
- 121 Issue 105: Back off our islands Argentina!
- 122 Issue 106: The American right to flip the bird
- 123 Issue 107: An Ethics Special
- 124 Issue 108: Eyes on Africa
- 125 Issue 109: In Rude Health
- 126 Issue 110: Britain Holds Its Breath
- 127 Issue 111: Some Seriously Bad Pope-ing
- 128 Issue 112: Birthday Party! Super Best Friends Invited!
- 129 Issue 113: Countdown to Vote-ageddon
- 130 Issue 114: Waking Up In A Different Britain
- 131 Issue 115: Five more years of this
- 132 The Bugle: Recent Decents - May 2010
- 133 Issue 116: Freeze The Oil
- 134 Issue 117: She bored'er colleagues
- 135 Issue 118: World Cup Special
- 136 Issue 119: Oil Never Do It Again
- 137 Issue 120: McChrystal Balls
- 138 Issue 121: I spy with my little eye…
- 139 Issue 122: Donald Trump in drag
- 140 Issue 122a: History of the World Part 1
- 141 Issue 122b: History of the World Part 2
- 142 Issue 122g: History of the World Part 3
- 143 Issue 122d: History of the World Part 4
- 144 Issue 123: That clock is pimped out!
- 145 Issue 124: Brazilliant!
- 146 Issue 125: Donor Fatigue
- 147 Issue 126: Let's talk about peace, baby
- 148 Issue 127: 12 Friends and 1 Champion
- 149 Issue 128: UN-couth
- 150 Issue 129: Kim Jong Unbelievable
- 151 Issue 130: Fire Sale
- 152 Issue 131: A Miner Celebration
- 153 Issue 132: Massive Cuts
- 154 Issue 132 and a bit: Cut for a reason
- 155 Issue 132 and an old bit: No Bugle
- 156 Issue 133: Backwang Forever
- 157 Issue 134: Royal Wedding Souvenir Edition
- 158 Issue 135: Kim Jong il-conceived
- 159 Issue 136: Do I Not Leak That
- 160 Issue 137: Crazies Special
- 161 Issue 138: A Christmas Bugle!
- 162 Issue 138a: More Old Gold
- 163 Issue 138b: Review of 2010
- 164 Issue 139: *Spoiler alert* 2011 Preview Special
- 165 Issue 140: The Divorce of a Nation
- 166 Issue 141: Tunisia is Revolting
- 167 Issue 142: Egypt Erupts
- 168 Issue 143: Egypt crisis - a good time to buy a jumper
- 169 Issue 144: No Going Mubarak
- 170 Issue 144a: Lowlights 2011
- 171 Issue 145: Libyeah or Libyna
- 172 Issue 146: Long over-Jew
- 173 Issue 146a: Lowerlights 2011
- 174 Issue 147: Man Versus Nature
- 175 Issue 147a: Zaltman, live from Dhaka
- 176 Issue 147b: More Salztman, live from Dhaka
- 177 Issue 148: Mayhem Update
- 178 Issue 149: #crucifybieber
- 179 Issue 150: Royal Wedding Preview
- 180 Issue 151: Regal Bugle
- 181 Issue 152: Compromised to a permanent end
- 182 Issue 153: Wake Up, Gaddafi
- 183 Issue 154: Keep it in your pants
- 184 Issue 155: The Queen is on fire!
- 185 Issue 156: Who's Tailin' Palin?
- 186 Issue 157: Reacting like a coiled donut
- 187 Issue 158: Hot Rod & Dragster Strike Out
- 188 Issue 158a: Trully Offal
- 189 Issue 159: Everything Must Go!
- 190 Issue 160: News Out Of This World
- 191 Issue 161: Hacking: A self esteem issue
- 192 Issue 162: Making a mountain out of a mountain
- 193 Issue 163: Debt To America
- 194 Issue 163a: Too Offal
- 195 Issue 164: Ich Bin Ein Hulkmaniac
- 196 Issue 165: Bashar goes to Madcon 1
- 197 Issue 166: Gaddafi's Last Bugle?
- 198 Issue 166a: We're back, Andy
- 199 Issue 166b: This offal tastes funny
- 200 Issue 166g: Offal Edinburgher
- 201 Issue 167: Berlusconi: Hard to swallow
- 202 Leaders Special #1: Silvio Berlusconi
- 203 Leaders Special #2L Mahmood Ahmadinejad
- 204 Issue 168: Streets of Rage
- 205 Issue 169: Captain Crazy corks it
- 206 Issue 170: It's time to ban slap bass
- 207 Issue 171: A Greek Tragedy
- 208 Issue 172: Berlusconi bows out
- 209 Issue 173: Techno! Techno! Technocrat!
- 210 Issue 173a: Turkey Offal
- 211 Issue 174: Britain's Back Baby!
- 212 Issue 175: Putin the boot in
- 213 Issue 176: Deep Space Nine
- 214 The Best of 2011: Part 1
- 215 The Best of 2011: Part 2
- 216 Issue 177: Weapons of mass election
- 217 Issue 178: The Final Countdown
- 218 Issue 186: An Insult to Civil Society
- 219 The Bugle 193 - Happy Deathiversary!
Recurring Jokes/Characters[edit | edit source]
(Bold entries indicate extended appearances/features, rather than just mentions.)
People and Characters
- Ben: Ep. 193
- Paul: Ep. 186, 200, 203, 208, 212, 224, 232, 238
- Ped: Ep 133, 134, 138, 139, 147A, 151, 156, 158A, 193, 214A
- Producer Chris : Ep. 107, 110, 115, Recent Decents May 2010, 111, 112, 116, 117, 119, 124, 127, 129, 131, 134, 136, 137, 138, 140, 143, 144, 144A, 146, 146A, 147A, 148, 150, 156, 157, 158, 158A, 160, 161, 162, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 178, 179, 180, 182, 183, 184, 185, 186, 187, 190, 192, 193, 194, 196, 194A, 199, 199A, 199B, 200, 201, 203, 206, 210, 211, 212, 214, 215, 216, 224, 225, 226, 229A, 229B, 236, 237, 240, 242, 244, 247
- Producer Tom : Ep. 69, 70A, 84, 85, 86, 94, 100, 101, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 115, 120, 124, 131, 138, 140, 158A, 184, 186, 199B, 200, 247
- Rich: Ep. 247
- The American : Ep. 2, 6, 7, 8, 14, 15, 19, 23, 27, 33, 42, 50, 55, 63, 87, 99, 100, 109, 120, 139, 155, 158a, 200, 240
- The Indian: 215, 248
- The Audio Cryptic Crossword : Ep. 1, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 11, 17, 19, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 29, 109, 154, 171, 199A
- The Badonkadonk : 155, 156
- Big Brass Balls Awards: Ep. 171, 173, 174, 175, 182, 184, 209, 214
- The Congressman's Penis: 157, 158, 159, 161, 164, 168, 169, 170, 178, 180, 187A, 195, 199B
- Fuckeulogy: Ep. 152 (Bin Laden), 153, 169 (Gaddafi), 177 (Kim Jong Il), 193, 197, 200, 238, 240
- The Gospel According to St Bullshit : Ep. 1 (Lost Epistle of St. Paul), 110 (St. Alvin), 137 (St. Shelley), 150 (St. Alvin), 168 (St. Geoff), 188 (St. Lionel), 212 (St. Nigel), 247 (St. Beyoncus)
- Hotties from History : Ep 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 (Eva Braun; Alexander Hamilton, Clement Atlee), 13 (Queen Victoria), 14 (Bismarck; Mother Theresa), 15 (Benjamin Franklin; Queen Victoria; Marie Curie; Phillip The Handsome), 16, 17 (Joan of Arc), 18, 19 (Joanna the mad), 20 (Joanna the Mad; Eleanor Roosevelt; Betsy Ross), 21 (Octavian; Genghis Kahn), 21A (Richard III; Unity Valkyrie Mitford), 22, 23, 24 (Tycho Brahe), 25 (St. Paula the Bearded), 26 (Aaron Burr; The Great Library of Alexandria), 28 (Pope Joan), 29, 30 (The Toba Eruption), 31 (General Sherman; Lord Byron), 32 (Tiresias), 33 (King Ashurnasirpal II), 35 (Valeria Messalina), 36 (The English Channel), 37 (Gulveg, the Norse giantess), 38 (Hatshepsut, the Queen who would be King; Marie Curie), 39 (Jane McRae; Pope John XII), 40 (Alexander Hamilton), 44.1 (Lyndon B. Johnson), 46 (The Statue of Liberty), 47, 49 (Joshua Norton, Nikola Tessla), 57 (Jesus), 58, Recent Decents May 2010, 73, 74, 87, 96A, 109, 125, 144, 155, 170, 177, 185
- International celebrity chef, Sclooton Malvain: 170, 176B, 224, 249
- Marginal sports correspondent, Wole: Ep. 2, 183
- Pun runs : Ep. 48 (Tennis puns), 76 (Korean puns), 79 (Mexican puns), 81 (Central American Country puns), 88 (Musical puns), 104 (Haydn puns), 114 (Tennis puns), 117 (Dog puns), 126 (Pasta puns), 133 (Asian Country puns), 138 (Tree puns), 155 (Religious puns), 161 (Philosopher puns from bugler Zoe Asquith), 162 (Philosopher puns from bugler Assaf Bitner), 170 (Greek geography puns), 171 (Greek food & drink puns), 172 (Latin writer puns), 182 (Dickens puns), 190 (Expressionistic puns), 208 (Fish puns), 213 (US Presidential puns), 244 (Russian puns), 247 (Philosopher puns), 277 (Tree puns), 280 (Chinese puns), 183, 184 (Jesus puns), 190 (Expression artist puns), 199A, 208 (Fish Puns), 210, 213 (American President Puns; Kings and Queens Puns; All of history Puns), 214A, 215, 244 (Russian Geography Puns), 247 (Philosopher Puns), 247A (Texas Cities Puns)
- The Soundproof Safe: Ep. 65 (James Baker), 67 (Jack Bauer), 68, 84 (Dead Henry Kissinger), 98, 100, 107, 112 (Kenny Dalglish; Samuel Beckett; Louis Pasteur; Fabio; John Bon Jovi; A mystery guest), 131, 148, 153, 160
- Andy and John do not recognise American independence: Ep. 80A, 122
- Andy and John's worst gigs:
- Aldershot: Ep. 154
- Derby Assembly Rooms: Ep. 199
- Docklands: Ep. 237
- The Baby Blue Nightclub, Liverpool: Ep. 41
- The Birdcage, Leeds: Ep. 97, 154
- Harrogate: Ep. 152
- Killarney: Ep. 154, 176A
- Luton: Ep. 97
- Lytham: Ep. 200
- Manchester Comedy Store: Ep. 44, 75, 104, 128, 223
- Stevenage: Ep. 97
- Swansea: Ep. 30
- York: Ep. 96, 97, 112, 156, 182
- Andy's bin : Ep. 1, 9, 10, 17, 26, 70A
- Andy calling Jesus guilty : Ep. 4, 25, 99, 100, 108, 110, 138, 146, 147A, 150 150, 154, 159, 163, 163A, 188, 189, 207, 217A, 229
- Andy is a bad jew: Ep. 9, 47, 48, 93, 94, 96A, 97, 109, 136, 139, 154, 187A, 217, 236A, 243A, 248
- Andy is terrible at self-promotion: Ep. 161, 185, 186, 189, 236
- Andy makes a senssssational carbonara: Ep. 169, 201
- Andy's offspring and/or parenting : Ep 57, 60, 63, 85, 116, 129, 133, 139, 153, 154, 187A, 221, 241, 243A, 246
- Andy uses his classics degree : Ep. 94, 94A, 98, 115,
- Belgian love of waffles: Ep. 140, 148, 150, 154, 157, 158, 170, 175, 176B, 185, 189, 225, 237, 243, 247
- Crazy or corrupt world leaders:
- Tony Abbott: 246, 247
- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Ep. 2, 58, 71, 78, 79, 80, 81, 84, 88, 92, 109, 128, 130, 132, 136, 145, 158, 167B, 170, 175, 186, 201, 207, 213, 227, 232, 233, 239, 247
- Bashar al Assad: Ep. 149, 157, 165, 170, 173, 175, 176, 187, 189, 194A, 196, 204, 207, 227, 229, 237, 239, 245, 246
- Silvio Berlusconi: Ep. 25, 72, 81, 92, 94, 95, 96A, 99, 109, 115, 115A, 116, 119, 131, 134, 135, 136, 138, 142, 143, 145, 167, 167A, 170, 172, 173, 173A, 175, 176, 176A, 176B, 179, 185, 191, 194, 194A, 200, 204, 206, 207, 211, 212, 216, 217, 224, 227, 229, 232, 238, 239, 243, 244, 248
- Hugo Chavez : Ep. 5, 7, 10, 22, 30, 34, 46, 58, 66, 71, 74, 88A, 90, 96, 96.5, 99, 99B, 102, 105, 107, 113, 115, 128, 146, 146A, 147, 169, 175, 207, 227, 232
- Colonel Gaddafi: Ep. 89, 90, 91, 92, 109, 124, 128, 129, 136, 142, 143, 145, 146, 146A, 147, 147A, 148, 149, 150, 151, 153, 157, 162, 164, 166, 167, 169, 170, 173, 173A, 175, 176A, 176B, 192, 193, 194, 196, 199A, 200, 207, 209, 225, 232, 247
- Kim Jong-il and/or Kim Jong-un: Ep 9, 76, 77, 85, 116, 119, 124, 129, 132, 135, 136, 150, 170, 175, 176A, 177, 190, 195, 200, 202, 219, 226, 232, 240C
- Mohamed Morsi: 215, 218, 229, 241
- Hosni Mubarak: Ep. 82, 83, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 149, 158A, 170, 176A, 181, 195, 199, 204, 210, 215
- Robert Mugabe: Ep. 23, 25, 28, 35, 91, 96A, 99, 116, 132, 145, 175, 176, 178, 181, 222, 226, 240C, 243
- Benjamin Netanyahu: Ep. 192, 208, 229
- Vladimir Putin: Ep. 2, 9, 85, 95, 125, 136, 175, 185, 194, 203, 204, 209, 229, 231, 237, 238, 239, 244, 246, 247, 248
- The Curse of the Bugle: Ep. 16, 93, 98 194A, 199B, 204
- Flipping the bird: Ep. 106, 108, 109, 110, 144, 145, 151, 157, 176, 185, 187A, 210, 216, 226
- Florence Nightingale: Ep. 9, 74, 79, 115, 139, 150, 151, 153, 158, 166, 176, 192, 194, 195, 198, 199B, 200, 208, 234, 235, 236, 240, 241
- German is a beautiful language: Ep. 160, 185, 187, 218, 224, 229, 233, 243, (245), 247
- Historical Storytime:
- Mickey Paintbrush: 34, 99, 201, 244, 247
- (Honky Tonk) Badonkadonk: Ep. 100, 105, 109, 129, 152, 155, 156, 158, 165, 174, 176, 203, 207, 229B, 240C
- (The) Iron Sheik: 224, 225, 228, 233
- Implying that the Germans are up to something: Ep. 136, 139, 169, 185, 205
- John's film career: Ep. 57, 65, 70A, 74, 79, 94A, 99, 100, 102, 104, 107, 112, 113, 114, 122, 128, 129, 138, 148, 149, 162, 163, 163A, 164, 166, 167, 169, 175, 176, 179, 180, 182, 183, 185, 188, 190, 194, 195, 198, 201, 203, 206, 214A, 215, 216, 217, 217A, 219, 221, 223, 226, 229, 231, 233, 237, 239, 240, 242, 243, 247
- John hates the Phillies: Ep. 94A, 115
- John meets a celebrity and/or talks about a Daily Show shoot : Ep 48, 60, 96, 100, 102, 105, 108, 111, 116, 117, 118, 124, 127, 132, 154, 167, 181, 183, 188, 189, 193, 206, 210, 237, 238, 239
- John singing : Ep.14, 33, 34 (Here I Go Again), 80.5 (Regulate), 85 (Holding Out for a Hero), 93 (Build Me Up Buttercup), 100 (Enter Sandman), 113 (Puppy Love, in the style of Gordon Brown), 114 (Anarchy in the UK), 117 (Reprise of Build Me Up Buttercup), 126 (Let's Talk About Sex), 129 (Informer), 130 (Fire), 132 (Nights on Broadway), 133 (Let the Eagle soar), 137 (I'll Make Love to You), 142 (Fight the Power), 146 (I’m Like a Bird - I shit on people’s cars), 148 (Big Pompin’), 152 (Another C**t Bites the Dust; You Give C**nts a Bad Name), 150 (Comfortably Numb), 154 (Bump n' Grind), 155 (Pour Some Sugar On Me), 157 (Freedom!), 163 (Silent Night, accompanied by penis violin), 165 (All Night Long), 169 (Arsehole in the Wind), 170 (Let’s Stop Gettin’ it on), 177 (Pure Desperation), 179 (Just a Friend, You Give Love a Bad Name), 180 (Pour Some Sugar on me), 187 (My Heart Will Go On), 189 (Living in Antarctica), 191 (Nobody Does it Better), 196 (Party in the U.K.), 197 (Welcome to the Jungle, in the style of the Queen), 198 (Rio), 199 (The [New] Star-Spangled Banner), 207 (You’re U.N. believable), 213 (Last line of The Star Spangled Banner), 214A, 225 (Freak Me), 227 ("Don’t Mess with Me Girl”), 228 (There’s a Pope Pope Pope), 236 (First few words of God save the Queen), 237 (You're The Best Around), 241 (The Heat is On), 244 (Land of Hope and Glory), 245 (Sysyria)
- John trained at the National Youth Theatre: Ep. 44, 60, 74, 80, 102, 109, 175, 195, 231
- LMFAO: Ep. 187, 189, 194A, 196, 198, 200, 207, 208, 221, 227, 237, 243
- (Bugle) Merch saga: 214, 216, 217, 217A, 218, 226, 227, 229, 229B, 231, 232, 233, 236, 237, 238, 241C
- Mike and Cindy’s f*ck dungeon: 208, 229B, 237
- Official sports people/teams of the Bugle:
- Cleveland Browns: Ep. 98
- Detroit Lions: Ep. 58
- Miami Dolphins: Ep. 8, 11, 124
- New Jersey Nets: Ep. 97, 98
- Robert Dee: Ep. 26, 113, 114
- Stefan Feck: Ep. 203, 204, 220
- Oh… Pippa: 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 174, 176, 176B, 178, 179, 190, 193, 197, 200, 216, 223, 231 (Oh…Amanda), 234
- (Donating to) Rudy Giuliani's 2008 presidential campaign: Ep. 15, 62, 70A, 74, 81, 88A, 102, 106, 109, 138, 208
- Rupert Murdoch : 160, 161
- Sensssational linguistics:
- Catastrotunity: Ep. 212
- Credibiliboost: Ep. 195, 197
- Machiavellodrome: Ep. 154, 236
- Majesticals: Ep. 217A
- Swearobics: Ep. 196, 197, 214, 233
- Wapparazzi: Ep. 206, 240C
- Sensssational names:
- Albert Pujols: Ep. 6, 169, 173A, 211, 214
- Benoit Waffle: Ep: 140, 141
- Good Luck Jonathan: Ep 108, 150, 176B
- Madison Bumgarner: Ep. 211
- Mordechai Vanunu: Ep. 178
- Schuyler Colfax: Ep. 205
- Signing the Bugle up to dating websites/ridiculous mailing lists: Ep. 232, 233, 237
- Sportsmen acting crazy:
- Gilbert Arenas: Ep. 100
- Mario Balotelli: Ep. 170, 176
- Plaxico Burress: Ep. 55, 56, 58, 59, 87, 99, 100, 109, 139, 164, 240C
- Giulio Migliaccio: Ep. 243
- Chad Ochocinco: Ep. 96A, 98, 109, 138, 152, 164
- Adam "Pacman" Jones: Ep. 59
- Dennis Rodman: Ep. 226
- Michael Vick: Ep. 93, 107, 109, 138, 176
- Delonte West: Ep. 75, 76, 77, 81, 87, 96A, 109, 116
- Stupid buildings: Ep. 34, 70, 74, 97, 98, 101, 105, 125, 129, 133, 144, 145, 162, 185
- T-shirt cannons: Ep: 132, 158A, 164, 182, 212, 213, 240, 245
- Things that look like a penis (or other genitalia) : Ep. 69, 70, 70A, 73, 74, 79, 85, 99, 100, 101, 109, 111, 112, 116, 119, 121, 124, 125, 126, 131, 133, 138, 139, 149, 151, 159, 163, 167, 176, 176A, 196, 202, 209, 232, 234
- U.N. secretary general, Ban Keith Moon: Ep. 200, 207, 237
- Unusual listening locations: 117 (Antarctica), 136 (In a computer server room), 151 (Israeli military base), 153 (Adult toy manufacturer). 158A (Dentist’s chair), 182 (Oulu, Finland), 194A (Whilst having a vasectomy), 211 (Biochemistry Lab), 236 (Skateboarding down a hill)
- War with Elk River, Idaho: 156, 158, 202, 210
- Whibley and Lavigne: Ep. 90, 92, 125, 144, 180, 198
Issue 1: How like Vietnam is Iraq?[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday 15th October 2007. John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman report on President Bushs comparison of Vietnam and Iraq muse over the poor quality of doping in sport and reveal that Germany actually won World War Two due to a technicality.
- "If you really want to know how many balls it takes to say Iraq is like Vietnam, it takes 3 balls." -John
- "There are more suicides during party conferences than at any other time of the year. That is a lie, but my point stands." -Andy
- "A lot of people marry for love, I think this is weak..." -Andy ...10:01
- Armenia and the Genocide that wasn't ...12:13
- Andy's missing bin in the letter of St. Paul ...13:46
- "The issue of human rights is more difficult than before because there are more humans in the world, but unfortunately there are the same numbers of rights to go around, so don't blame the government, blame maths." -Andy
- First ever Audio Cryptic Crossword clue (1 across) ...21:29
- Crisp manufacturers putting too much salt in crisps ...22:27
- One song ipod ...24:24
- Terrorist literature choice ...26:34
Issue 2: The Empire Strikes Back[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday 22nd October 2007. (not specified on audio) John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman extend a warm welcome to the return of the British Empire as we stake a claim to Antartica The guys put your questions to a real life American and theres the second clue to our unique audio crossword.
- "[Britain] did far, far worse things than America could even dream of doing, but we did it with a certain gentlemanly swagger." -John
- Antarctica fact box
- "We claimed we were going in there for scientific research, we just want to scientifically research how much oil we can get out of there, and maybe scientifically research how much money we can get paid for that oil. I don't see what's so hard for them to understand, there are going to be graphs. There are going to be graphs." -Andy
- Swearing Spectacular
- First appearance of The American ...15:00
- Johnny Wilkinson RWC world cup commentary ...23:36
- Audio Cryptic Crossword clue (1 down) ...22:11
- Woles first appearance for the Tantrum Throwing Competition ...25:44
Issue 3: California's Burning[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday 29th October 2007. John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman are feeling hot under the collar as the United States burns to the ground Is it the environment getting uppity because of Bush's softly softly approach to global warming. John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman on why immigrants are deliberately stealing our scapegoats jobs They reveal what Donald Rumsfeld has in common with a suicide bomber and lay claim to the 2018 World Cup for England.
- Main story : Global Warming is unamerican ...2:03
- Al Gore, Ruler of the Earth ...3:07
- "These are the greatest days for exaggerations in the history of planet earth" -John
- Andy's first exchange rate joke ...8:05
- "Like a hungry South African carnivore spotting a sausage shop down a side street, things have taken a turn for the wurst" -Andy's first Pun.
- Belt Busting Breakfast Burrito ...13:50
- Martin Yole's unbelievable Pressure routine ...20:19
Issue 4: Immigrant's Song[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday 5th November 2007. John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman on why immigrants are deliberately stealing our scapegoats jobs They reveal what Donald Rumsfeld has in common with a suicide bomber and lay claim to the 2018 World Cup for England.
- Main story : Immigration Everywhere ...1:55-12:18
- Tabloids reporting on a woman smuggling in immigrants in her stomach ...3:22
- Immigration factbox ...5:10
- Writer's Guild of America strike : Andy makes a joke, is labelled a scab ...14:20
- Donald Rumsfeld's snowflakes / bumper stickers ...15:22
- Bugle Comment! : Westboro Baptist Church picketing soldier's funerals, bigotry tax ...19:25
- "This raises a very interesting question: do they hate gay people? Yes, yes they do. I think they've proven that time and time again. Do they hate gay people to the tune of $11 million dollars? Well now, that is really something to think about. Does your hate have a price?" -John
- Bugle News feature on Fuel/Biofuel/Alternative Energy ...21:17
- "In Britain, we've always been pioneers of alternative energies and we were the first nation in the world to use Catholics as a fuel. Fact." -Andy ...24:26
- First instance of Andy calling Jesus guilty. ...25:17
"Let's face it, we have copped some shit from the Catholics over the years. Let's just call that joke a little bit of payback. 1-1. Or 2-1 if you count us killing Jesus. But he was guilty. Don't want to rake over old coals, he was guilty." - Andy
"Under the laws of the time, he was guilty, Andy. That's what people fail to remember." - John
- Audio Cryptic Crossword (5 across) ... 28:21
- Travel Supplement! : Why not visit Pakistan this week? ...29:00
Issue 5: 110 Per Cent Behind Musharraf[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Tuesday 13th November 2007. In this weeks late edition on no account are we rude to the leader of Pakistan about his plans for elections to be staged next year.
"The Bugle of course is usually available at the start of the week on Monday, but this week actually begins on Tuesday. Something to do with the lunar cycle, happens about once every 17 years. This week will also end slightly later than normal at 4am, next Monday." - Andy
- Bush tells Musharaf to relinquish control of the army ...3:52
- Musharaf sarcastic slamming ...4:40
- Pakistan quiz ...5:15
- "What part of gift of democracy are these people struggling to understand?!" -John
- Andy's first suggestive compliment of the Queen ...9:17
- "It is the Queen's English, let's remember, if she wants it to sound nasal and boring, nasal and boring it must sound." -John
- Who is going to be more British: whether the Queen's speech is delivered in the House of Lords or the House of Commons. John wins, tells Andy he is 'basically French'. ...10:16
- Second exchange rate joke ...13:34
- "You can't put a price on a statement like that, Andy. Well you can, and the price is £240,000 pounds." -John on Tony Blair's speech in China.
- King Juan Carlos of Spain tells Hugo Chavez to shut up ...15:24
- Food scares and dangerous toys ...16:23
- Date Rape Toys ...18:42
- Total and Utter Fighting Championships ...26:54
- Audio Cryptic Crossword (2 down) ... 27:44
Issue 6: OPEC: Let's talk oil and fiery rhetoric[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday 19th November 2007. (not specified on audio) This week we look at that most rare of conferences the OPEC summit and why Iran finds a new way to needle the USA.
In the Bin ...01:01
- DIY section
- Free Bugle tree
Top Story - The OPEC summit ...01:36
They're like buses, aren't they, OPEC summits; you wait ages for one and then it's completely pointless without fuel. - Andy ...02:05
- Rap and currency ...04:15
- Alternative energies, IPCC report on climate change ...06:04
- Australian power stations ...08:34
- Saudi justice: a rape victim is sentenced to 6 months in jail and 200 lashes for being in an unrelated man's car ...09:33
- Bicycle offender: a man was put on sex offender's register for attempting to fornicate with his bicycle "in the privacy of his own room". ...11:55
"Are you telling me that in Britain, in the 21st century, you're not allowed to bang your own bicycle?" - John
"You're not, yeah. And as Tom our producer just pointed out, not only is it one of the ten commandments, it's also part of the highway code." - Andy
"That makes sense." - John
- Japanese whaling ...12:48
Bugle appeals section...14:11
- Appeal for the war on terror ...15:32
- Do you have any Albert Pujolses?...16:05
- John's bolognese needs a little something...16:28
- The American, and therefore all of America, is spending Thanksgiving out of town ...17:36
Emails: shut up requests
- Brooke Copeland would like Pat Robertson to shut up. (accepted)...18:25
- Tory Grant would like George Bush to shut up. (rejected) ...19:24
- Anthony Murray would like Alan Shearer to shut up. (accepted) ...20:04
Art section: DVDs ...20:30
- Blade Runner: The caterers cut
- Apocalypse Now Remembered
- Golf's Greatest Bloopers
- One of the England football team's greatest ever wins sees them qualify for the 2008 world cup ....21:41
- Could Barry Bonds bring more disgrace to the noble sport of baseball? ...23:56
- A sport recommendation - Rodeo Poker ...24:27
Audio Cryptic Crossword: (10 across) ...24:56
Issue 7: 25 million people missing[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 26th of November, 2007. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver look down the back of the sofa for Britains vanished children Also this week Andy confirms American preconceptions regarding the British relationship with the dentist and John unpicks the White House rhetoric on the level of the violence in Iraq.
- Main Story : UK government loses 25 million peoples' files in the post ...2:14
"The Queen should cut her own head off!" - Andy ...5:38
"I shred the leftovers of every meal I eat. It's messy but it's safe." - John ...7:40
- Next Story : Phenomenal drop in violence in Iraq ...8:55
"The White House does now seem to be using the President's incompetence as its sole defence." - John ...10:58
- Hugo Chavez News ...10:58
- Juan Carlos telling Chavez to 'Shut up' becomes Spanish ringtone.
- Ask an American! ...15:55
- Bugle Sport section! : English football is dead ...23:25
- Commemorative boo ...25:47
- Audio cryptic crossword : (24 across) ...28:28
- Bugle Forecast! : ...29:12
Issue 8: Australians keep touching the Queen[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 3rd of December, 2007. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver talk about the minor political earthquake as John Howard is deposed in Australia by accountant look a like Kevin Rudd.
Main Story : Australian Election, John Howard vs Kevin Rudd ...01:31
- Who is going to be more British part 2: Who molested the Queen, John Howard or Paul Keating?
"It turns out they've both touched the queen. What is with Australian leaders and fondling our monarch? - Andy"
"...What is it about our monarch? - John"
"Well, they're just red-blooded men, John. Who can blame them. - Andy"
- Australian Fact Box ...06:29
- Party funding issues! Oh no! ...08:49
- Busking for election money
- Stalin or Mr Bean? ...09:58
- John says "schwag" which is definitely how that is pronounced ...12:48
- A Bugle audio poster to mark the Queen and Prince Phillip's 60th wedding anniversary. (Origin of Hotties from History) ...13:56
"...is it time for Phillip to become king, or is it time for someone else to get a go with the queen?" - Andy
"A go with the queen?!? Pack up your things and check yourself in to the Tower of London. This is not the first time, Andy, that you've made comments regarding the queen of a sexual nature and it's really starting to make me think about whether you are attracted to the Queen in an inappropriate way. - John
"...I believe it's my patriotic duty to slightly fancy the queen... there is something about a woman on a ten pound note, or any bank note, and I feel the same about Florence Nightingale. ...I apologise to all royalists, but I maintain Nightingale was a hotty."
- A bear named Mohammed ...15:39
- Teacher sentenced for allowing children to name a teddy bear Mohammed, JAIL THE CHILDREN!
- Peace Watch ...17:47
- King Solomon, severed baby analogy, with mustard on the side
- Terrorists stole listener's kidneys
- Google French military victories
- The American confirms all Americans were moving house last week.
- I'm making a pizza, is that awesome?
Bugle Sport section! ...22:15
- Miami Dolphins so close to achieving the winless season
- Transatlantic punching fest or something
- Pigeon racing is not a sport?? John: "I'm not a pigeon expert"
Audio Cryptic Crossword (11 across) …25:17
Advent calendar ...25:55
- Dec 1st-3rd
Issue 9: Iran: Nukes or No Nukes?[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 10th December, 2007. John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman debate whether to trust US intelligence reports that Iran does not have nuclear weapons.
Introduction: John talks about the writer's strike, wishes Andy a Happy Hanukkah. ...00:34
Main Story : Iran's nuclear program halted ...02:45
- WWIII is overdue ...05:50
- Bolivia has too many submarines ...07:15
- List of nuke owners ...10:00
- "Mordecai, what a guy, put state secrets in the public eye" -Andy ...12:40
Bush writes a letter to Kim Jong Il
- Duke of Wellington trash talk ...14:50
- Flo's steamy letter ...15:22
Russian Election, what's so special about Putin? ...15:50
- Poisoning suspect elected as an MP
- Vote for Putin and win a Fridge!
Law Section ...19:30
- US Supreme Court to rule on Guantanamo
- Interrogation tapes destroyed, tape of the World's Longest Pets! ...12:20
- Superprisons in the UK
- Listener supports Andy's claim that Keating groped the Queen
- Greatest movie presidents
- Listener also thinks Flo is hawt, Andy encourages audience to email in about other attractions buglers have towards historical figures
Bugle Sport section! ...26:25
- Sports personality of the year, nominations opened
Audio Cryptic Crossword (14 across) ...29:15
- Hanukkah Forecast: this year is a leap Hanukkah.
Issue 10: Have an Adequate Christmas[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 17th of December, 2007. John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman wish you the bare minimum of seasons greetings and explain that waterboarding is not as fun as it sounds.
Top Story - The Pope doesn't believe in global warming. ...02:01
Christmas gifts - Britain is giving Basra back to the Iraqis ...04:06
Bad Christmas News - Carbon footprint of UK Christmas dinners. ...08:02
"Cranberry sauce alone ... contributes half of the carbon footprint related to transport. And so, to combat that, Andy, I'm offering to smuggle your cranberry sauce this year about my person." - John
- Andy suggests a way to reduce the carbon footprint of your Christmas dinner: "...just eat it all raw, turkey carpaccio, yum, and good for the environment."
- John talks about the Oliver family tradition of eating polar bears.
- 'Christmas Gift Alert - The UK bans imitation samurai swords ...09:40
"I have a samurai sword, but it is for private use in my own personal blood grudges. I have to avenge the death of my ancestors, Andy. They're ALL dead, I suspect foul play, ALL of them are dead!" - John
- What would Andy and John like for Christmas? ...11:42
"I'd like a samurai sword... you can't have too many" - John
" I guess they're like golf clubs though, they're all slightly different aren't they. ... I think the real samurais aren't allowed more than 13 samurai swords in their bag at any one time." - Andy
"...and one of them has to be a very lofted sword, as well." - John
Among other things, Andy says he would like: "my old bin back from the people at 53."
- The Whitehouse Dog, Barney, has released a Christmas video ...14:06
- John calls POTUS a scab. ...15:12
- Unoffical video from the Whitehouse goldfish ...15:33
- What time is it? It's Chavez Time! ...16:19
- Hugo is turning back the clock in Venezuela, by half an hour.
- The CIA have destroyed interrogation tapes ...17:36
- The Bugle Christmas Message...19:00
- Tiffany Seers writes in with a foreign policy suggestion. ...20:51
- Anthony in North Carolina has a rubbish (and prisoners) idea. ...21:19
- Greg Pritchard shares Andy's lust for Florence Nightingale and describes how to deal with bin thieves. ...21:50
- Abbey from Boston has crushes on Edgar Allen Poe and Franz Kafka ...22:44
- Becky in San Francisco confesses an attraction to Henry II ...23:17
"Interesting... there was something a bit raunchy about the way he had Thomas a Becket killed. Certainly gives me the horn whenever I think about it..." - Andy
"Oh, don't start this...!" - John
- Keighley Ray (sp?) is disgusted that John seems to have been caught smoking in a YouTube video ...23:51
- Canada population joke ...23:58
Bugle Motoring ...25:44
- The A303 is once again up for "Trunk road of the year" ...26:12
- Baseballs have been taking illegal drugs ...27:30
- America beat Britain in a fight. The Star Spangled Banner was booed. ...29:16
- Bugle Sports Awards ...31:22
- Nomination: Michael Vick, for his contributions to football and dog fighting
Audio Cryptic Crossword (3 down) …32:19
Issue 10A: The Very Best (so far!)[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday 24th December 2009.
John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman present a frankly cocky look back at the best bits of the past ten weeks.
Issue 11: After Iowa, only 302 days left to go[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday 7th January 2008. The very first Bugle of 2008 and after Obama and Huckabee become joint presidents of Iowa there are only 302 days left of the election campaign woo hoo!
In The Bin
- Special eating supplement ...00:59
- Bugle's Audio Calendar ...01:11
Review of the Year 2008 ...01:35 Binge drinking...02:17 Top Story - The U.S. election has begun ...03:47
- Is there anybody in America who understands how this works? ...04:23
- Explaining the Iowa Caucuses ...06:33
- Mike Huckabee is endorsed by Chuck Norris ...07:39
- Christopher Dodd's campaign is over ...08:57
- First challenge of 2008 - Is Michael Dukakis alive? ...09:40
"He's alive!!" - Andy
"No no...." - John
"Dukakis, very much still breathing in Oxygen." - Andy
"Bad news for John Oliver, good news for the Dukakis family." - John
The Year of the Vote - Democracy news from around the globe. ...11:00
- Kenya ...13:52
Pope Appoints Exorcists ...15:16 Bugle Birthdays ...17:38
- The National Health Service is 60.
- Joan of Arc would have been 596 yesterday ...19:28
- Gabriel Reid writes in on the subject "Hotties in History", nominating Margaret Thatcher ...20:07
"I can honestly say she instituted a poll tax in my pants."
- Tom has suggested a "Pirelli-style" Hotties from History calendar.
- Thatcher is disqualified on the basis that she is not dead.
- Cherie Garfio gets in touch to defend the Audio Cryptic Crossword ...22:51
- Derek Crosby asks, who would win in a tag team match, Disraeli & Paisley or Jackson & Lincoln? ...24:12
- Andy announces The Bugle Blog ...24:32
- European Football Championships ... 24:58
- John predicts a drug scandal in Cricket ...25:36
- Andy predicts Britain will give a flying fuck about rowing for about 2 days ...26:15
- The Miami Dolphins choked by winning their final game of 2007. Can they go one better in 2008? ...26:23
Audio Cryptic Crossword ...27:13
- Nobody noticed that the clue given in Bugle 10 was a repeat. ...27:27
- This week's clue: 25 across ...28:25
Bugle Forecast - Fashion ...28:41
- Andy predicts a lot of people wearing trousers.
- John predicts a lot of flip flops worn ironically in winter.
Issue 12: Bush brings yet more chaos to the Middle East[edit | edit source]
Week commencing Monday 14th January 2008. (Alternate title: Footsie Between Iran and America) Will Iran deploy more deadly speedboats against Americas poor battleships and will Britain keep its fingers crossed about nuclear power. Probably.
Issue 13: After 433 years, Sark finally gets democracy[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday 21st January 2008. The 600 residents of the tiny Channel Island can now breath in the air of freedom plus we translate what animals are saying.
Issue 14: Money, Money, Money[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday 28th January 2008. John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman consider the French trader who lost 5 billion euros profile Mormon presidential candidate Mitt Romney and the hail the return of Ask An American.
John sings Money by Rick James - "His stay was brief, but funky." ...1:42
Main Story : Is the world on the brink of economic meltdown? ...01:55
- Another exchange rate joke ...03:10
- "The US sneezed its economic balls off" -John ...03:55
- "The French could be the most powerful people in the world if they all kept themselves to themselves" -John ...08:35
Resignation News ...08:40
- Andy "£100000 could buy a seventeen second long presidential campaign" ...10:08
Middle East Update ...11:00
- Gaza goes on an explosive shopping trip
Mitt Romney factbox ...12:50
- Andy "If you do get in a wrestling match with a pig, these are the steps you should take." ...16:33
Ask an American! ...17:22
- John announces he is a 'complete convert' to Hotties from History ...26:05
- Hotties Nomination: Mother Teresa ...28:36
Issue 15: A Message to You, Rudy[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday 4th February 2008. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver salute the former mayor of New York and his terrible campaign to become the next American president.
Issue 16: Afghanistan in a Zen State of Chaos[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday 11th February 2008. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver ponder how difficult it is to rebuild Afghanistan when it was not built in the first place.
Audio Cryptic Crossword (16 down) ...28:50
Bugle Chat-up Lines ...29:38
- "Was your father the Champions' League Semi-Final? Because you've got two legs." ...30:20
Issue 17: The Guantanamo Graduates[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday 18th February 2008. As the US finally gets round to prosecuting some of the residents of Guantanamo Bay we celebrate the innocent graduates leaving with a renewed hatred of the west.
Issue 18: Is Fidel Castro Road Runner?[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday 25th February 2008. John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman salute dictator Fidel Castro as he steps down having avoided 638 Wile E Coyote attempts on his life from the CIA.
Issue 19: A Very British Earthquake[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, March the 3rd, 2008. John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman rejoice as the biggest earthquake to hit Britain in 25 years fails to dislodge our stiff upper lip and the majority of the country from their slumber.
Issue 20: Who's the Least Democratic of Them All?[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, March the 10th, 2008. This week John and Andy conduct a global review of democracy and ask is this what the ancient Greeks really wanted. Or would they have been happier sticking with nude wrestling?
Top Story - Democracy is Everywhere ...02:51
- John can't pronounce Medvedev ...03:04
Issue 21: Swearing at the Queen![edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 17th of March, 2008. John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman ponder if the UK oath of allegiance should be a bout of swearing at the queen and we change our dirge of a national anthem to the theme from Benny Hill.
Issue 21a: DVD Extras[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 24th of March, 2008.
As John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman are away over Easter we present some never heard before sections and a look behind the scenes.
Issue 22: Hugo 'Crackers from Caracas' Chavez[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 31st of March, 2008. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver laud the Venezualan president as he blames America for the unrest in Tibet surely its to do with China.
- First London-based issue of the Bugle
Issue 23: How is Mugabe Losing a Rigged Election?[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 7th of April, 2008. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver wonder with voter turnout at a record 110 per cent how is Robert Mugabe losing Zimbabwae's election.
Issue 24: Was Stonehenge an ancient tax dodge?[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 14th of April, 2008. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver present a special archaeology section and look at the recent digs at Stonehenge and wonder if the Druids were up to some financial mischief.
- THE BEST EMAIL EVER!
Issue 25: John loves the Pope[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 21st of April, 2008. This week John Oliver gets in touch with his Catholic side and lose0s his satirical edge. Andy looks forward to passover with bacon and The Bugle looks at political leadership across the world.
Bugle Feature Section - Leadership ...
- Silvio Berlusconi re-elected ...18:36
- Silvio compares himself to Jesus ...20:08
"The only difference between him and Jesus is that I'm not sure he's ever been found guilty in a trial." - Andy
- Mugabe update ...20:38
- U.S. update ...21:33
- Evan Rosenberg suggests the Jews have been worse imperialists than the Americans or British. Rosenberg. Rosenberg. ...23:12
- Andy claims his sadly-departed dog Tash is the prophet Elijah.
- "Irish monk", Patrick Delaney demands an apology for calling monks lazy. ...25:19
- Brian O' Connor nominates St. Paula the Bearded as a Hotty from history ...27:09
Audio Cryptic Crossword (12 across) ...28:38
Bugle Forecast ...29:25
- The World snooker championships have started at the Crucible.
- Andy predicts the key ball will be the blue, and the key factor will be physics.
- John looks forward to the next Ronnie O' Sullivan controversy.
Issue 26: Food! Non-existent Food![edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 28th of April, 2008. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver get peckish at the thought of spiralling staple prices and the fact that there are riots in third world countries while we get slightly peezed over the increase in the price of pizza.
Audio Cryptic Crossword ...28.21
- Controversy after a clue was repeated last week
- So, 2 clues this week: 6 down and 4 down.
Issue 27: The Swimsuit Edition[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 5th of May, 2008. The American ...20:52 This week John and Andy celebrate all things Chinese, ponder where it all went wrong for Gordon Brown, and try to work out why 1080p is so much better than 720i. Plus the one the only, he is back, and he is from New Jersey; it is The American!
Issue 28: Dead Hill Walking[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 12th of May, 2008. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver implore Hillary to pack it in and congratulate Israel on her special day plus they take a look a state of science today.
Issue 29: Adults and Aliens[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 19th of May, 2008. This week this get hot and steamy as John and Andy tackle adult issues and they are amazed to discover the Pope has his own pet astronomer.
Issue 30: Volcano Porn[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 26th of May, 2008. This week Andy and John revel in some truly inspired listeners emails including one from a man with a love of lava who turns the gents on to a whole new fetish volcano porn. There is also an exam special for especially thick students.
- "Volcano Man" nominates The Toba Eruption of Sumatra as a Hotty From History ...33:29
"Queen once said that 'Fat bottomed girls they make the rocking world go round' '" - VM
"I think you'll find actually that was The Queen that said that" - Andy
"That's right, she was later quoted by Freddy Mercury. As we know, this queen's got back, Andy, she's got back...I'm not ashamed to say that, Queen Elizabeth has got back." - John
Issue 31: Sharon Stone fludges her pontullius[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 2nd of June, 2008. In our bloopers special we celebrate Sharon Stones comments about the Chinese earthquake being karma and Hilary Clintons latest gaffe.
Issue 32: Obama and KSM[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 9th of June, 2008. This week Andy and John celebrate Obama, moan about Hillary and get drunk like fools on the Circle Line. Also a TS Eliot favourite makes it on to Hotties from History.
Issue 33: George Bush: 'Regrets? I've had a few'[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 16th of June, 2008. In an interview with The Times George Bush voices his regrets at not sounding like, you know, 'a man of peace' in his eight years as president.
Issue 34: You Will Know Us By Our Knobbly Fruit[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, June the 30th, 2008. This week Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver bring you a European special in which Ireland ruins the future for thousands of bureaucrats and a village in Romania votes overwhelmingly for a dead mayor.
Job interview questions: "If you were a biscuit, what type of biscuit would you be?" Andy says the best answer is to say "If you weren't a cunt, what type of job would you have?"
Music News ...17:02
- Andy's most contrived ever joke:
"Fans of Grammy-award-winning music legend John Cougar Mellencamp were left fuming when they turned up to what they thought was going to be a concert of rootsy-rock classics, only to be whisked off in a bus for two weeks camping with celebrity host, former Welsh international rugby legend, Barry John, in which they hunted mountain lions and ate nothing but fleshy, if fairly tasteless, often disappointing fruit. 63 year-old rock fan Trevis Lemond angrily commented afterwards 'If I'd known it was going to be that kind of John Cougar Melon Camp, I'd never have paid £950 for my ticket.' " - Andy
Issue 35: Barack Obama and his disappearing change hat[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 2nd of June, 2008. This week we look at overdog Robert Mugabes hardly surprising election win and the changing tone of the senator from Illinois on guns.
Issue 35a: Independence Day* Special[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 7th of June, 2008.
Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver bring you a holiday special however the asterisk is because no one involved in the making of The Bugle recognises Americas independence.
Issue 36: Oil Prices, recession & inflation but what do the G8 do? Have an 18 course meal[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 14th of July, 2008. Alternate title: Bush Bids Goodbye to the G8) John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman return with a special from the G8 summit where Gordon Brown told the world to stop wasting food before sitting down to an 18 course meal.
Issue 37: Barack Obama is coming to Europe![edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 21st of July, 2008. John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman ask doctor love if the media has a crush on Barack Obama as he heads over for a tour of Europe.
Issue 38: Karadzic's Scooby Doo disguise[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 28th of July, 2008. John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman try to make you feel safer by revealing that Osama Bin Ladens transport options are now severely limited now they've jailed his driver.
Issue 39: McCain, Andy and John plumb new depths with their Obama attack ad[edit | edit source]
Week beginning August the 3rd, 1908 ...near enough. (Alternate title: McCain Attacks Obama) In this infantile stage of the election the two presidential candidates turn to the childish weapon of the attack ad, something which this week John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman use against each other.
Issue 40: Osama Bin Laden's taxi driver[edit | edit source]
Week beginning August the 11th, 2008. John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman try to make you feel safer by revealing that Osama Bin Ladens transport options are now severely limited now they've jailed his driver.
Issue 41: Russia gets gold at Olympic sport of invasion[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 18th of August, 2008. (Alternate title: Georgia on my Mind) Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver ponder Russias invasion of Georgia as Bush and the world are enjoying the Olympics. John McCain claims in the 21st century nations do not invade other nations er apart from Iraq.
Issue 42: An Olympics Special[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 25th of August, 2008. This week we look at the Olympics with everyones favourite tactful diplomat The American, he's out in China as the sole representative of The Bugle as he dismisses things like Non American Olympians, The Great Wall of China, and passport control.
Issue 43: Democratic convention special[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 1st of September, 2008. John Oliver reports live from his bed in Denver after a week of trying to undermine Barack Obama and the Democrats throughout this historic convention.
Issue 44: Republican Convention Special[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 8th of September, 2008. John Oliver calls in naked from his hotel room in St Paul and Andy sits fully clothed in London both feeling more patriotic about being British after 8 days of the most hardcore political grandstanding ever seen.
Issue 44.1: The sub-issue you've all been waiting for[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 15th of September, 2008.
As John and Andy are away we leave you with the deleted controversial Wikipedia entry for The Bugle thnkas to all that contributed plus your emails and a tour of Andys house.
Issue 45: Help Save The Investment Banker[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 22nd of September, 2008. As the global financial crisis deepens suddenly the masters of the universe are an endangered species. John Oliver and Andy Zaltzsman exhort you to save the investment banker.
- Furthest distance between Andy and John for a Bugle, London to LA. Andy is 8 hours ahead, John says "you might get the jokes slightly before I do, don't spoil them for me." ...0:55
- Main Story : The economy! Investment banks meltdown ...4:45
- "I think, John, what we've learned from this is that the world economic markets are total dicks." -Andy
- An investment bank filed for bankruptcy after the Fed refused to bail them out, supposedly to send a message to Wall Street. John- "The only discernable message I can make out there is that they just didn't screw up badly enough."
- John- "So that's the lesson for the future: be worse, and you'll be fine. If you're gonna act irresponsibly recklessly, you have to do it to such an extent that you become immune to consequence." Andy- "Well it's basically these financial institutions demanding protection money from the government and therefore us, the public." ...8:11
- "I'll tell you who I blame, John. I blame the communists." -Andy ...8:58
- John is a hero, and now owns part of Andy's house ...9:40
- Next Story : Zimbabwe democracy
- Andy eavesdrops on the train; what is this woman's favourite thing? It begins with GR, is all Andy knows. John- "I can't believe you're doing this to me Andy, this is gonna be on my mind all day."
- Guinness Book of Records
- Emails ...18:55
- The Bugle is an audio antivirus for listeners allergic to the British accent.
- Another population joke (Canada) "They count seals, they've got passports" -John
- Skeeter the pig writes in to complain that Obama said Sarah Palin looks like a pig in lipstick.
- Bugle President nominations
- Sport ...27:40
Issue 46: Economic Armageddon Approacheth[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 29th of September, 2008. As the US economy implodes John McCain decides to suspend his presidential campaign to try and help with the bail out. In honour of this sacrifice we at The Bugle will also stop doing our job for a pointless length of time.
Issue 47: Sarah Palin- One giant leap backwards for humankind[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 6th of October, 2008. John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman watch the potential banana skin VPs square up in St Louis plus Andy does the podcast naked.
- Main Story : The VP Debate, "an utterly meaningless sherade." -John
- Fox News described it as a gaff-filled gaff-fest.
- Palin came out on top, as she had a better flag pin
- People from Bosnia are now to be known as Bosniacs.
- Capitalism vs communism debate.
- Nobody understands economics.
- "I still have no idea what a fund manager does when he gets to his desk in the morning." -Andy ...15:10
- Bugle feature section! Heroes or idiots?
- Yves Rossi, Rocket Man, flew across the Channel on rocket wings. Mr Rossi calls himself Fusion Man.
- Stephane Rousson attempted to cross the Channel with a pedal propelled airship
- David Blaine hanging upside-down in Central Park, "like a dull bat." -John
- World's former heaviest man lost 39 stone (546 pounds) out of the 88 stone (1232 pounds) he had to start with. Andy says he could feed Ethiopia by dieting. John wonders if he is now very flappy, and if he could now jump off a tree and just float down like a flying squirrel.
- Nudity in the modern podcast: John having been naked for issues 43 and 44, it is only fair that Andy now does a podcast naked. Andy spends the rest of the podcast in the nude.
- Hotties from History nominations: Adam and Eve, Marie Anne Charlotte Corday Darmont.
- There is no sport at all this week, it was "completely overshadowed by the appointment of Joe Kinnear as temporary manager of Newcastle United, and ... [his] spectacular tirade of foul-mouthery." -Andy ...28:25
- Bugle forecast: next week the Bugle will be one year old, Andy and John will be exchanging audio birthday presents.
- Andy is a bad Jew: "Every day is Yom Kippur to me" -Andy
Issue 48: How Low Will They Go?[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 13th of October, 2008. (Alternate title: McCain and The Economy, How Low Can You Go) The Bugle is one year old today and for our birthday edition we decide to do what any self respecting one year old would do at their party which is cry and soil ourselves at the sight of strangers. Much like a Sarah Palin crowd being told about Obama Hussein's terrorist friends.
- John met Robert Di Nero on the Daily Show, Di Nero asked the person he was with if John is really British, John is outraged.
- Andy is still a bad Jew: Andy- "We just all gathered around the fire and opened all our presents, just a lovely family occasion." John- "No hold on, that's not Yom Kippur, that's Christmas. Bad Jew."
- Bugle Birthday celebrations
- Bugle forecast: Zeus sent Andy a signal that there will be at least another 120 years of Bugling.
Issue 49: Joe the plumber now regrets chatting to Barack Obama[edit | edit source]
Week beginning October the 20th, 2008. We also go over the final debate as an increasingly desperate John McCain is making the contest hard to lose for Barack Obama, but given the last two elections the Democrats could still lose it.
Issue 50: US Election nearly over![edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, the 27th of October, 2008. (Alternate title: Biden Battles Back in Battle of Bloopers) We salute Joe Biden for doing his best to keep the election competitive plus the American returns for a final week election special.
Issue 51: Let it all be over soon![edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 3rd of November, 2008. Andy and John have had just about enough of the US Elections…
Issue 52: Spoiler alert! Obama won[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 10th of November, 2008. After what seemed like an eternity of campaigning Andy and John brace themselves for the big post US Election come down.
Issue 53: Obama and his not so secret code name[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 17th of November, 2008. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver wonder what their codenames would be, plus we ponder the role of females in UK life and we have a bona fide competition for you lucky listeners.
Issue 54: The Vegas Special[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 24th of November, 2008. This week one half of the Bugle comes live from Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. John Oliver distracts himself to talk to Andy Zaltzman from his room built on tears to talk about pirates, BNP membership, and Sarah Palin's book.
Issue 55a: The Thanksgiving Special[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 1st of December, 2009 (!?!). As John Oliver is away we celebrate with a special call from the American and the American's brother in Las Vegas and the result of the Jigme Wanchuck competition.
Issue 55: Shooting One's Own Leg[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 8th of December, 2008. In a world where the economy has crumbled and terrorists attack innocent people in Mumbai Andy Zaltzman and John Oilver applaud the Amerian foot ball star who made us laugh in these times by shooting himself in the leg.
Issue 56: Selling Barack Obamas seat[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 15th of December, 2008. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver salute the Illinois governer who tried to sell Obamas recently vacated senate seat, they applaud his efforts to keep capitalism going.
Issue 57: Hats off to Obama shoes off for Bush[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 22nd of December, 2008. In our festive special we applaud the Iraqi man who threw his shoes at George W. Bush and we hear from the president himself courtesy of our very special guest Rory Bremner.
Issue 58: What Did you get for Xmas? Peace In The Middle East?[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 5th of January, 2009. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver bemoan the fact they got the same present every Christmas: catastrophic violence in the Middle East. Plus our preview of 2009.
Issue 59: Why Obama's inauguration will be like the Rio carnival[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 12th of January, 2009. Apart from the fact it will be freezing cold, which won't stop Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver putting on their sequined bikinis.
Issue 60: Goodbye George Hello Barack[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 19th of January, 2009. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver talk about the practical jokes the Bush administration will play on the incoming team. Will it be apple pie beds or trillions of dollars of debt?
Issue 61: Obama Inauguration Special[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 26th of January, 2009. We were there, well John Oliver was, Andy Zaltzman was playing football in South London, but we have made sure Obama is now President of the United States and the world lets out a huge collective sigh of relief.
Issue 62: Obama and his do nothing wonderland[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 2nd of February, 2009. Obama has had one week without really doing anything and the world has lapped it up, perhaps because we weren't flinching like an abused partner as it did when Bush opened his mouth.
Issue 63: Foreign Snow Invades Britain[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 9th of February, 2009. John Oliver can not believe a member of the G8 deals so badly with 6 inches of snow. Andy Zaltzman insists foreign weather fronts are succeeding where the Nazis failed in overpowering the United Kingdom.
Issue 64: Bankers pretend to apologise[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 16th of February, 2009. As the recession deepens a British parlimentary committee hears some of the people responsible pretend to be sorry, plus Charles Darwins theory of love.
Issue 64, Appendage 1: The new webpage guided tour[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 23rd of February, 2009. As John Oliver is away we give you a guided tour of the new Bugle homepage and some extras which we found behind the audio sofa.
Issue 65: Will Obamas stimulus revive the world economy? Who cares[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 2nd of March, 2009. Bill Clinton's favourite TV, berry fallings out in Oregon, Obama promising trillions to revive the US economy, and special guest star former American secretary of state James Baker. All of this is actually true.
Issue 66: Brown gets rubbish present from Obama[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 9th of March, 2009. The DVD box set Gordon Brown got from Barack Obama this week was a pretty poor gift but given his opinion polls it looks like he might have quite a bit of spare time to watch them after the next election.
Issue 67: Monkey News Special![edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 16th of March, 2009. So sick are they of hearing about the global financial meltdown Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver decide to go nuts about monkeys.
Issue 68: Obama and his Al Qaeda Style Video[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 23rd of March, 2009. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver salute the US president for adopting the tactics of the enemy by sending a friendly video message to Iran plus the Pope announces his divorce from reality.
- John discusses his “ongoing tango with US immigration“ and an encounter with a Castro-hating Cuban doctor ...00:53
- Dominique Strauss-Kahn is in the soundproof safe this week ...02:25
In the Bin
- Feature section on the number 68 ...04:58
- “The Pope, as they call him in Queens, P-p-p-p-P-Uniiiit” has been on a week-long tour of Africa this week, and has been playing all of his greatest hits. ...06:16
"[The pope] went on to say, 'you can’t resolve [the aids crisis] with the distribution of condoms, on the contrary, it increases the problem'... O.K., that pushed him over the edge Andy, he can now go fuck himself." - John
"As long as he does it safely, John" - Andy ...08:48
- Revolution news - A coup in Madagascar is led by a former-DJ. ...12:26
"Mr. Rajoelina addressed supporters in the capital on Wednesday to promise a return to normal life, to security and above all, national reconciliation, and he then said, Now here’s How Deep is Your Love by the Bee Gees" - John ...14:09
- Andy’s Madagascar ‘fact box’ ...16:03
- Irish Priminister Speech News ...17:16
- Priminister Brian Cowen delivers an unorthodox St. Patrick’s Day speech at the White House.
- Obama’s Video Message to Iran ...20:29
Bugle Fitness Section ...21:10
- Sigourney Binder’s suggestion for a soundproof safe guest earns Andy’s admiration for its outstanding bullshit content ...24:52
- Anne Anderson warns John against purchasing the New York Public Library ...27:26
- Charlie Villanueva of the Milwaukee Bucks is in trouble for tweeting during games. ...29:01
"“Your argument is collapsing like the Parthenon”" - John
“What, being blown up by the Turks?” - Andy
- The beginning of the F1 season ...31:29
- The boat race ...32:04
- By this time next week, will Tom have had his baby? ...32:39
- Also, “if he does have it, will he have delivered it himself, like a real man, or will he have taken the wimp’s option and gone to a hospital?” ...33:31
- Name Tom’s baby ...34:03
Issue 69: Possibly the longest penis joke in the world, ever[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 30th of March, 2009. This week John and Andy continue their quest to relegate the economy from the headlines by top lining with a story about a massive 80 ft chalk phallus and why North Korea are the worlds biggest attention seekers.
John: "G20 now...and that's not the new, new name for Gatorade, nor is it the announcement of the end of a snooker break by ex-RnB star Warren G: G, 20." ...17:30
Andy: "I'm tapping the cushion for that. It didn't look on that joke."
Issue 70: G-G-G-G-G-GEEEE 20[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 6th of April, 2009. This Week John and Andy return to headline news by musing over the G20 summit in London as well as issuing a blank cheque for members of parliament who like watching adult movies.
Top Story: G20 ...06:39
- Andy on things the G20 is not:
"...what an Australian would say when asked to guess the number of words in the English language." ...08:25
Issue 70 and a bit: Supplementary Easter Egg[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 20th of April, 2009. As John Oliver is away we present a Bugle Easter egg filled with no chocolate but news of Lenin's arse, Prince Charles and his dress sense, and which pants Andy Zaltzman wears.
Issue 71: Torture and Dictators special[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 27th of April, 2009. We will not tell you what is in this weeks Bugle. OW, OW, OW, OK it's all about torture and dictators, just don't do that again!
Top Story:Torture ...06:03
"Well, John McCain has been tortured, Andy, and he's proof that it doesn't work. He was tortured for a long time, and the only names he gave out were the names of the Green Bay Packers...it is funny and impressive, until you learn that the entire Green Bay Packers team were rounded up and killed by the Vietnamese." - John ...13:24
Issue 72: The Real Swine Flu Vaccine[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, May the 4th, 2009. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver ignore sense and medical advice to bring you this weeks emergency Bugle, designed to be taken aurally to counter the world's first non-kosher pandemic.
Issue 73: Are the Taliban skiing down the Swat Valley?[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 11th of May, 2009. (not specified on audio) Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver ask the tough questions after seeing what the Pakistani tourism website said about the Swat Valley, plus why Michael Savage and Silvio Berlusconi became cursed by being on last weeks Bugle.
Issue 74: Claiming expenses for MPs that do not exist[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 18th of May, 2009. Nothing is more exciting for British journalists and so boring for everyone else as the fact that some British MPs have been making some dodgy expense claims; something which journalists have never done obviously.
Issue 75: What to do with Gitmo let fear decide[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 25th of May, 2009. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver invite you to take in a Guantanamo detainee a true souvenir of American foreign policy, not used to changes of clothes or many calories. It would be a huge favour to the worlds only superpower.
Issue 76: Calling out North Korea[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 1st of June, 2009. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver call out Kim Jong Il after North Korea threatens the whole world, at least it will bring an end to the UK parlimentary expenses scandal.
- John has been doing stand-up in the US South. He was in a hotel with a comic convention and met Buglers who had created their own Hotties from History t-shirts.
- Andy warns of a world record attempt this Bugle, riffs on the number 76, and talks about Dr Heimlich.
In the Bin : The Bugle Summer Section. Celsius or Fahrenheit? Do's and Don'ts of Sunbathing. ...05:16
Top Story : Kim Jong-Il conducts an underground nuclear test. ...06:22
- PUN RUN WORLD RECORD ATTEMPT: Korean cities. ...07:58
- Andy delivers a provocation to North Korea. ...11:45
- Kim Jong-Il's spectacular water slide shows up on Google Earth. ...15:53
- Andy is still deeply bored with the MP expenses scandal in the UK. ...17:10
- Conservatives promise to redistribute power if elected "from the political elite to the people in the street. ...19:29
"John, I *am* the man or woman in the street, and I can promise Mr Cameron that I am the last person on earth I would want in a position of public responsibility." - Andy ...21:00
"I am also the man or woman in the street, and you are the last person. I would be second last, but I would put you after me." - John
- US Supreme Court News: Obama nominates Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court. ...22:43
- John is willing to accept a Yankees fan on the Court in spite of his moral reservations. ...23:22
- Inspired by Republican opposition to Sotomayor, John has created an attack ad opposing Andy Zaltzman's appointment. ...26:34
- Andy decides that nobody with a gender or any other background should be on the Court. ...27:36
- Multiple Buglers write about Canadian Governor General Michaëlle Jean gutting a seal and eating its raw heart. ...28:42
- Andy learns the word 'badassery'. ...28:59
Andy promises to add to the blog. John and Producer Tom are sceptical. ...31:13
- Barcelona v Manchester United recap. ...31:48
- Washington Nationals, incredibly incompetent baseball team, misspell their own names on their uniforms. ...32:29
- Delonte West interview in which Mr West describes his ideal date, a "ninety-nine dollar wine and dine". ...33:43
- When will the MP expenses row end? John says 2020. Andy says longer, likely hundreds of years. ...35:12
Issue 77: Gordon Brown gets a bad dose of the quits[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, June the 8th, 2009. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver watch the UK Labour party not so much shoot itself in the foot as repeatedly machine gun its entire body.
Issue 78: Apathy or the far right Europe decides[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 15th of June, 2009. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver wonder, of the few that bothered to vote, who disgraced themselves by voting in the likes of the British National Party?
Issue 79: Iranian election special[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 22nd of June, 2009. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver wonder if the re-elected Iranian president might have waited longer than an hour to proclaim his rigged election win.
Issue 80: Iran, pick on a country your own size![edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 29th of June, 2009. Flattering though it is that Iran thinks Britain is behind the recent election turmoil Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver suggest they pick on a country their own size, like Mongolia.
Issue 80 point 5: Independence Day Special[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 6th of July, 2009. To celebrate Americas supposed independence from Britain we have an extras spectacular to keep you going over the Fourth of July festivities.
Issue 81: The G8 the world's slowest superheroes[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 13th of July, 2009. Very very slowly the worlds richest countries save the world from climate change and the threat of nuclear proliferation with vague promises and threats.
Issue 82: Freedom of Speech Special[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 20th of July, 2009. (not specified on audio) Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver travel to Sri Lanka, Ireland, Egypt, and India in search of ridiculous curtailments of free speech and the purchase of several golf buggies for military purposes.
Issue 83: Obama pay for this or you will be dead[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 27th of July, 2009. Obama comes on all mafia as he tries to get his health reform bill through congress. Let's just say that the bill has a bout of swine flu and will probably die on the operating table.
Issue 84: Future Special[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 3rd of August, 2009. Andy and John gaze into each others crystal balls to see a world of pants that never need washing, China taking over from America as top dog, and politicans thinking before they speak.
Issue 85: I need a hero! Bill Clinton goes to North Korea[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 10th of August, 2009. Andy Zaltzman and John Oilver suggest the former US president might have watched 24 too many times as he flies in to rescue two imprisoned American journalists.
Issue 86: Burma triumphs in made up crime prevention[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday 17th August 2009. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver think that you can not be disappointed with Burmas sentencing of Aung San Suu Kyi because that implies you thought there might be a different outcome.
Introduction : John enjoyed the Jewish wedding he went to, especially when the new couple were put into danger. Andy "the hot truth" Zaltzman explains the term '86' and gives examples in a suitable American accent.
In the Bin : A Guide to Scotland in the 2010 [football] World Cup. Binned because it is entirely moot.
Top Story : Jailhouse Croc. Sentencing of the American man who swam to visit Aung San Suu Kyi, whose house arrest sentence was extended because she let him in. John and Andy discuss Burmese penalties for the crime of swimming in a restricted zone.
Britain Going down the Plughole News: British energy is in trouble and gas supplies from the North Sea are dwindling. And how did France and Germany come out of their recessions before Britain? Andy: "As St George, our patron saint, used to say, the best way to kill a baby-eating dragon is to keep feeding babies to it until it is too fat to breathe. Because in the long run you'll make a net savings on babies." American political rhetoric about the NHS.
Rabbis on a Plane News: Rabbis tackle swine flu by flying over Israel praying loudly and playing shofars. On a commercial flight. Look up the video!
Woodstock News: Woodstock was 40 years ago. Who wasn't there.
- Phil Bennet writes about removing a large painted cock and balls from a carriageway in Leicestershire.
- Tom and Pete have sent a remix of Holding out for a Hero, the John Oliver version!
- Producer Tom answers three-word questions from Buglers, most importantly, "Andy or John?"
- Andy creates a series of metaphors to describe how badly the English cricketers were beaten by Australia in the next-to-last test match of the Ashes.
- John gets a critical Michael Vick update during a wedding.
Forecast : Andy's wife's birthday is coming up. But so is the first day of the final, crucial, Ashes test match. Uh-oh.
Issue 87: Afghanistan celebrates election with fireworks or guns[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 24th of August, 2009. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver talk about voter apathy in Afghanistan where the Taliban have threatened to mutilate people who vote, whereas in the west, people are put off by rain.
Issue 88: Iran and its glitzy show trials[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday, August the 31st, 2009. Much like TV trials, except it is easier to know what the verdict will be as all the defendants are already in prison uniforms.
- John has been to Philadelphia and sees hope for the Middle East in two rival Cheesesteak stores ...01:11
- Andy’s brother texts in to insult America ...02:36
- Andy goes on a mini musical pun-run ...03:05
In the Bin
- A history of exams - Britain is cleverer than ever before, according to recent results. Andy recalls some genuine historical exam questions. ...05:40
- How to excel in a new sport - this week, cock fighting ...07:40
World Update, including…
- Iran Update
- Iran holds show trials for pro-democracy protesters and journalists. ...08:42
- China Update
- The Chinese government tries to “move away” from the practice of using the organs of executed prisoners. ...14:14
- China is still very pissy about the Dalai Lama. ...16:46
- California Update:
- The governor is holding an online garage sale to balance the state’s budget. ...17:29
- Science Update
- Andy thinks monkeys should see the benefits of their contributions to medical science. ...19:58
- Luke “The Crusher” Stibbs writes in about KFC’s Double Down burger. ...21:08
- Joe Boyle asks “What the fuck is Cricket?!?” ...22:50
- One bugler’s claim that “you have totally nailed the 14-15 year old girls market” prompts a defensive response from John. ...24:00
- The “bloodgate” scandal involving Harlequins rugby club “ has rumbled on like an undercooked curry”. Andy maintains that the real lesson is: “If you’re going to cheat, do it properly.” ...25:26
- Controversy over the gender of South African 800m runner Caster Semenya is handled about as badly as it could be by the IAAF. ...29:29
- Andy points out more historical instances of cheating in sport and manages to finish the section without mentioning England’s Ashes win. ...31:08
Andy is playing cricket for the first time in three years. Will he “cop one in the macadamias?“ How many runs will he get?” ...33:34
Issue 88.1: Travel Section[edit | edit source]
Some best of sketches that were too funny for us to publish first time around as we go off on holiday.
The Bugle is still on holiday[edit | edit source]
As Obama continues to try and push through version 100.4c of a universal healthcare bill John and Andy royally mock the whole messy process.
Issue 89: Good Health Bad Health[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 21st of September, 2009.
Issue 90: Bring on the crazy, Gaddafi![edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 28th of September, 2009. United Nations, Not if Gaddafi has anything to do about it. A bravura performance from Colonel Gaddafi at the UN General Assembly this week as well as going on for 94 minutes, he pitched his tent on Donald Trumps land and wanted Switzerland to be dissolved.
Issue 91: Happy Birthday Communist China[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 5th of October, 2009. Mainly because they were forced to, the Chinese celebrated with a Brazilian style carnival, but with tanks and rocket launchers rather than women dancing in sequined bikinis.
Issue 92: Obama wins first preemptive Nobel Peace Prize[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 12th of October, 2009. Despite not having solved any of the worlds peace problems it looks like the Nobel panel has decided to make a pointed reference to former US President George W. Bush.
Issue 93: Peak Oil Special[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 19th of October, 2009. It seems that the world may hit peak oil production in 2020, which might bring an end to the 'Lalalalala, I can't hear you!' attitude that world governments are currently employing. If only it was in 2120 then no one would care as we'll all be dead by then. Plus we have a cutlery update and some alarming accounting about the war in Afghanistan.
Introduction : John, The Daily Show, the term goat******, and the state of US national security. Andy commemorates World Food Day.
Main Story : Oil! Peak oil is predicted. Andy explains how this relates to the song Build Me Up Buttercup and points out the advantages of going back to the Stone Age.
Afghanistan Update: The US is considering undermining the Taliban by paying Afghans more than the Taliban does.
Bugle Feature Section: Cutlery! A six-year-old schoolboy is being suspended for bringing his camping cutlery to a school that has a zero-tolerance policy on bringing weapons. Andy deepens the discussion by discussing the splayd.
- Bugler Rebecca in Brooklyn writes with evidence supporting John's claim that him winning an Emmy cheapened all other awards.
- The Curse of the Bugle. Many Buglers write in naming couples they would like to break up. Especially Bugler Tony P in Indianapolis -- creepy! Bugler Dean suggests that the Curse of the Bugle retroactively prevented Florence Nightingale from getting married.
Sport : baseball championships are beginning. John hates the Phillies. Andy explains where the Yankees got their name.
No Bugle next week because John has 'shit to do'. Producer Tom responds sarcastically.
Issue 94: Does the EU really want El Presidente Blair?[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 26th of October, 2009. (not specified on audio) John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman try and prove that having an EU President is like the film Transformers 2: pointless but makes a cynical kind of financial sense.
Introduction : John describes American Halloween, including a kid in a full Spiderman costume. John was approved for his Green Card, so he can now be arrested without being deported. Andy had his testosterone levels tested and speculates about the characteristics of his sperm. Andy talks about the Gunpowder Plot and the punishments for the perpetrators because Bonfire Night is coming up.
Europe is probably going to have a President: will it be Tony Blair? He was endorsed by Gordon Brown and Silvio Berlusconi. John sings Bed of Roses by Bon Jovi and comments on Andy's Bon Jovi box set. Andy discusses Euroscepticism with heavy reliance on talking about Hitler. Andy talks about the ideas toward Europe from his audience members at a gig in Yatton. Could Blair be edged out by someone from...Luxembourg?
British politics: Nick Griffin, leader of the British National Party, has appeared on Question Time, a BBC political discussion programme. John clarifies that Griffin "is the leader of the BNP, and he's also a fully-qualified ****." Andy describes him trying to weasel out of his holocaust denial. Andy analyses the BNP.
Cheerleading! Andy gives his a history of cheerleading. When Andy drops in an actual fact, John is horrified to learn about the cheerleading histories of some prominent Americans.
Bugler John ("J. Fred") McCord from Illinois writes that Andy, John, and Tom are terrible parents, having forgotten to mention the Bugle's second birthday. Andy is indignant that Producer Tom didn't bring cake.
- Bugler Sam Bobbley writes from Brisbane about his prophetic dream that proves that John and Andy are plotting to reinstate the British Empire.
- Profesor de Literatura Mauricio Aldecazura wrote last week about the Bugle Curse, after which his own five-year relationship ended. John, Andy, and Tom decide to start a Bugle dating service.
Sport : The World Series is in progress but John is disheartened because he despises both teams. Andy and Tom saw the Tampa Bay Bucs play the New England Patriots at Wembley.
No Bugle next week because Andy has some shit to do. He is also a terrible Jew.
Bugler Lucy Cockhill in New Zealand contributes her remix of previous Bugler's Libyan Gangster Rap.
Issue 94 and a half: Autumn Vacation[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 9th of November, 2009. John and Andy are busy looking at autumn leaves this week so here is a selection of never heard before sketches from previous Bugles.
Bonus Bugle recorded by Andy at home for the week starting 9th November 2009. Andy is working on his radio series this year and is worried he might become so famous he will be pursued by the audio paparazzi.
Afghanistan update: Afghanistan's recent election is bullshit. What if Afghanistan were a potential romantic partner? John points to problems in the country and Andy points out its cricket team is doing rather well at the moment.
Britain's Conservative Party Conference: David Cameron speaks in favour of the NHS and says some gibberish about what it means to be British. Andy and John speculate on whether Andy is truly British. Andy describes a Tory gaffe and then says that if Labour win it will be "the biggest upset since Goliath beat David in the rematch".
Bugle Feature Section: The Tango. UNESCO has declared the tango to be part of world heritage. Has John done a tango? Was Osama bin Laden scarred by a bad tango experience? Other dances and gestures that are part of world heritage (including nut grabbing and flipping the bird). John wants his dance moves to be protected too. Andy uses his classics degree to explain the origins of disco dancing in ancient Rome.
Operation Scoundrel: The Allies use their squad of scoundrels to help defeat Hitler.
Dinosaur News: findings of new fossils of feathered dinosaurs. What does this mean for the reputations of modern birds?
Inmates drinking anti-bacterial hand wash that was meant to fight swine flu in prisons.
- Bugler Obid taunts John about the Phillies' World Series win.
- The edible Bugle was expired and made Bugler Jason feel queasy! Help!
- Bugler Kaylie Dunn writes that Deryck Whibley has found a new 'mystery chick', the new First Lady of the Bugle.
Sport : Andy describes the upcoming boxing match where boxer David Haye will fight the astonishingly enormous Nikolay Valuev.
Issue 95: Walls, Wars and Power[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 16th of November, 2009. To celebrate the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall Andy and John bring you a guide to walls throughout the ages as well as a Forbes Power list review.
Introduction : John is in a hotel room in Albany, Oregon. John met Serena Williams and believes if Andy were unmarried she and Andy would be the ideal couple. John took his visiting sister to a batting cage and was heckled by seven-year-olds for being a Mets fan. Worse, he was treated with sympathy by people in Boston due to his Mets cap. Andy decides to do the annual Day of Tolerance in reverse.
Top Story : Walls! Great Wall of China. Berlin Wall, including the real reason the Berlin Wall came down after Reagan said, "Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall". Producer Tom responds to Hadrian's Wall. The West Bank wall. The Botswana-Zimbabwe border wall. The Saudi Arabian fence. India-Pakistan border barrier. The English Channel. The Great Hedge of India.
War News: Video game Call of Duty Is released. John compares the vigorous response to the game to the subdued response to the actual war in Afghanistan. What will Obama do in Afghanistan?
Power News: Forbes have released their Top 400 people list. John isn't on it. Vladimir Putin praises breakdancing for being wholesome.
Bugle Feature Section: World Records. Humanity at its best. Some records and some bullshit.
- Bugler Robert asks who is holding US debt? Half of it is both held by and owed to the US government? WTF?
- Bugler Andrew says: John got Transformers wrong! And I am looking for girl!
Andy promises to read all remaining email in the next Bugle. He then promises to have all 6.5 billion Buglers to his house for Christmas dinner.
Sport : David Haye beat the enormous Nicolaj Valuev.
Issue 96: Two Star Review for this year's Queen's Speech[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 23rd of November, 2009. Andy and John urge the Queen to drop in a few jokes next year as they review her anything but lively speech to the Lords and House Of Commons plus why America is banning complaining.
Introduction : Andy hypes himself! John spotted Zooey Deschanel and her husband watching him while he is having a brawl with six-year-olds at a Daily Show shoot. Sarah Palin's new book is terrible.
Top Story: The Queen's Speech ...05:43
- What a gig! This is how the British government presents its plans for the next year: in this case, to get voted out of government in six months.
- John thinks Prince Phillip is an inadequate hypeman.
- Since the speech was fantasy anyway, John wants more interesting fantasy.
US Congress News: The Democrats are ineffective ...15:20
- A Democrat has proposed the day before Thanksgiving be made official Complaint-Free Wednesday.
- John and Andy support complaining.
Guantanamo Bay ...18:46
- It isn't being closed on Obama's deadline.
- Andy has his own issues with deadlines but does a George W Bush impression.
Miracle News ...27:05
- Andy reports on a miracle while someone was making a bed in Wisconsin, including God's response.
- Bugler Nathanial writes that Hugo Chavez has declared war on clouds to address problems of low rainfall. Chavez will go up in the plane and zap clouds himself! ...29:58
- Bugler Joel in Tokyo writes on Call of Duty. He says the developers have included a Bugle tribute at a comedy club in downtown Tehran. ...32:44
- The worst thing that has ever happened to Ireland! Refereeing error when Thierry Henri's handball was not called in a World Cup qualifying game. ...34:14
- Footballer Glen Johnson is in Belgrade receiving massage with liquid from a horse placenta. Andy talks about his son's placenta. ...35:25
Issue 96A: Thanksgiving for Berlusconi[edit | edit source]
The Bugle would like to make their gratitude known in this Thanksgiving special to all those that have provided Andy and John with jokes over the past year. Top of the list step forward: Silvio. Introduction : Thanksgiving Special 2009! John and Andy give thanks for lots of things in lieu of a literal harvest. Andy advises on several ways NOT to say thank you.
- Bugler Stephen writes to commemorate The retirement of very weird tennis player Marat Safin. John and Andy say they should never have waited this long to talk about such a great crazy figure in sport.
- There have been several messages about Chad Ochocinco, who changed his name from Chad Johnson. He is a wide receiver on John's fantasy team, the British Bulldogs. Bugler Lawrence writes asking for a weekly Chad Ochocinco update. Andy and John discuss which of them is the less bad Jew. Andy worries that when the Bugle turns its attention to a crazy sports figure that person tends to end up in jail. Talk of Chad Ochocinco's book and how he keeps his focus during the football season.
Does the Queen listen to the Bugle? Has she created a series of false email addresses to for chat rooms and email to the Bugle? Andy and John thank the Buglers...though they could technically do the podcast without them.
Issue 97: Bad News for Stupid Buildings, Afghanistan and shoes[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 7th of December, 2009. Bad news for stupid buildings, Afghanistan & shoes. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver bemoan the end of many stupid building projects in Dubai as the Emirate revealed it owed 60 billion dollars.
- John spent time with dogs over Thanksgiving. Leela the German Shepherd speaks only Spanish. And the fat beagle with interesting toilet habits.
- Andy was a bad Jew in public at a Jewish political discussion and cabaret night.
- Andy presents the John Oliver line of bullshit gardening equipment.
Top Story : Climate conference in Copenhagen.
- Tangent to explain the game of conkers.
- Nick Griffin ("BNP leader and Britain's undisputed king of the *****") is there, offering anti-immigrant "climate" policies.
- Email hacking and "climategate".
"On Tuesday night President Obama delivered a prime-time speech to the nation regarding his new policy on Afghanistan, which is the same policy as every nation throughout history has had regarding Afghanistan, i.e. throw more troops at the problem, cross your fingers, and hope for the best. The only differences in history have come with how many troops that is and how tightly the fingers were crossed." - John
- John analyses the speech and the reaction to it. Andy suggests that for Christmas you give the gift of a warlord.
- Man who threw shoes at President Bush gets shoes thrown at him!
Feature Section: Stupid Building News ...21:44
- Dubai's financial problems are causing a slowdown in stupid building.
"I think Dubai, John, is a place that goes to show what you can achieve if you dare to dream. And then dare to employ slave labour." - Andy
- Bugler Amy E. Carter has sent a Bugle Christmas card. "Merry Zaltzmas, Happy Johnukkah, and best wishes for Two Thousand and Tom".
- Bugler Liz Juranek writes on the Bugle Curse: Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon have broken up!
- Bugler Matthew Horne writes from New Zealand with the story of a man who was wrongly believed to be in a coma for 23 years. Has Andy ever done a 23-year gig? John and Andy discuss bad gigs in their history.
"The Birdcage in Leeds, that was a personal lowlight for me...[it] was a transvestite night club that had a comedy night for a while...and is the only time I've ever left a gig by the fire exit to avoid having to walk through the crowd." - Andy
- Incredible try scored by Harlequins fly half. Oh, and that Tiger Woods guy had a kerfuffle.
- The New Jersey Nets have started the season 0-18, worst start to a season in NBA history. ...34:21
Issue 98: Britain can no longer afford defence against aliens[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 14th of December, 2009. (not specified on audio) As a cash saving measure the government is stopping the Ministry of Defences UFO hotline leaving Britain open to intergalactic attack.
- All hail Zaltor the Pitiless, Emperor of All Things: Andy is rebranding.
- John sends an Xbox and the Kung Fu Panda game to US troops. ...01:06
- John's Christmas tree is ******* huge. And bare. ...01:56
- Andy and his wife have unusual secular decorations for their secular Christmas tree. ...02:40
- Andy raves about the superiority of Celsius temperatures over Fahrenheit. ...3:31
In the Bin : Christmas presents in the credit crunch! ...04:27
Soundproof Safe: Rugby player Tony O'Reilly. ...06:04
Top Story : Britain is ******!
- New economic news show Britain is running the largest peacetime deficit in history.
- Bingo players get a break in the new budget. ...09:45
- Andy uses his degree to explain the etymology of the word bingo. ...10:37
- Bankers don't want to pay tax.
- British diplomats are having their budgets cut. And worst of all, the Ministry of Defence is closing its UFO reporting service. ...14:45
Nobel Prize News ...17:40
- Barack Obama went to Norway to accept the prize but only for 24 hours, which annoyed the Nobel community.
- He had to cancel lunch with the King, but Andy speculates on what they would have said if they had had lunch.
- Sarah Palin compared Obama's speech to her own book.
Sarah Palin/Climate News
- Palin urges Obama to boycott the Copenhagen climate conference ...22:23
- Britain and France pledge £1.5 billion over 3 years: ten times less than the world spends on ringtones ...24:47
Feature section: Celebrations in sport
- John sings
- The NFL has clamped down on touchdown celebrations, but watch out -- here comes Chad Ochocinco! He celebrated a touchdown by putting on a poncho and sombrero, and he was fined for it. ...25:47
- Andy and John discuss Mascot Rugby, the best part of the sporting year.
- John and Andy recall their best ever goal celebrations ...30:00
- Anonymous Bugler Mr X writes about his time as a structural engineer working on stupid buildings in Dubai. ...31:00
- Bugler Elliot Lyon points out the curse of Gilette and how it has affected the athletes the company sponsors. ...32:10
- Bugler Tom Schematti writes that The Bugle Curse affects more than just relationships: the New Jersey Nets won. He also recommends the Cleveland Browns as a replacement. ...32:36
- Bugler Dylan in Hong Kong writes about how the Bugle broke up his relationship with his girlfriend. ...33:34
- World Cup draw: England will play the USA! Andy engages in trash talk showing how England are superior to the USA. John worries about how this will affect his job, because if England lose he won't be able to go to work. ...35:30
Andy introduces a ruleless number puzzle to replace the Audio Cryptic Crossword.
Forecast : Andy's daughter Matilda has her stage debut next week in her nursery Christmas production. Will she follow her father into show business? ...38:07
Issue 99: Berlusconi takes a cathedral to the face[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 21st December, 2009. The Italian PM must have realised it was the final Bugle of 2009 so decided to take a cathedral to the face. The Bugle does not condone violence, however it was very funny.
Issue 99A: The Best of 99 Bugles[edit | edit source]
Issue 99B: The Bugle Musical Special[edit | edit source]
Another chance to hear some of the excellent remixes sent in by various Buglers around the world. Musical highlights from previous episodes, including contributions sent in by buglers.
- A remix of Andy's Florence Nightingale Rap ("Go wid da flo") by Pete from Japan ...01:48 - 02:59
- John's description of a date with Delonte West, set to music by Dan Clarke, dedicated to Deryck and Avril from Canada. ...03:55 - 05:25
- Lucy Coghill's remix of the Colonel Gadaffi Rap (originally sent in by Thomas Hale) ...06:01-07:43
- Tom and Pete accompany John Oliver singing "Holding out for a Hero" ...08:17 - 08:48
- The Hugo Chavezagram, put together by Tom for the Bugle's 1st birthday edition, inspired by an email from Sean Clothier ...09:16 - 10:40
Issue 100: The 100th Episode[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday the 18th of January, 2010. Who would have thought it, one hundred Bugles! For our bumper 100th issue we have snow commissions, Pat Robertson, and some ill informed ignorance.
Issue 101: Barack Obama and how to lose hope and irritate people[edit | edit source]
People will now only trust a naked politician. As Senator Scott Brown settles into his new role President Obama and the Democratic party rachet up the whining plus why Cadbury being bought by Americans is a step too far. Massachusetts elects Republican Scott Brown to the Senate; Democrats lose anti-filibuster majority.
"If you're Obama, Andy - and I know you're the first to admit you're not - then it's impossible to interpret this as anything other than a slap to the face, a kick to the balls, and an entirely unnecessary tweak to the left nipple." - John on Massachusetts electing Republican Scott Brown to the Senate.
"I'm sorry you don't agree with our healthcare platform, and I'm even sorrier that your mother's sexually transmitted diseases will now go untreated. BOOM!" - John
John Edwards' lovechild.
Kraft takes over Cadbury
"This will not stand. First they came for our tea, and I was not yet born, so I did not speak up. Then they came for Manchester United, but I was not a Manchester United fan so I did not speak up. Then they came for our mid- to low-range confectionery and I lost my shit. That's it Andy, I'm stitching my red coat, polishing my musket and I'll meet you on Virginia Beach. They've pushed us too far. We are taking America back!" - John gets a bit touchy about it
"Those are passionate words for someone who just used the word 'math'." - Andy's response
Issue 102: Why the global economy is like Elvis[edit | edit source]
Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver in their first Hawaiian special ask whether we should just let the global economy die on the toilet plus some all new Hugo Chavez crazy talk.
[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday 8th February 2010.
John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman delve into the angry and slightly crazy world of climate change deniers, plus the Iranian space program, news about gay equality, and big news for England soccer fans.
104: Valentines Day Special[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman are appalled that a school in England has banned Valentines Day cards to make sure the little ones don't have to put up with the emotional trauma and pain of getting rejected.
Issue 104a: Where is John?[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Listeners we are sorry to announce that John Oliver is not with us this week because he is earning shed loads of money doing films and stuff so instead here is ten minutes of Andy rabbiting on like the lonely house husband he is.
Issue 105: Back off our islands Argentina![edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 The Falklands War Part II. Andy and John reckon the Queen could have Hugo Chavez in a battle of unelected leaders after the Bugle favourite backed Argentinas claim to the Falklands.
Issue 106: The American right to flip the bird[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 John and Andy wonder if the right to needlessly provoke people by gesturing at them is enshrined in the American constitution.
Issue 107: An Ethics Special[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy and John Oliver bring you an ethics special with Eric Massa having a naked argument with Rahm Emmanuel and the immense corrupt organ that is the Chinese Communist Party.
Issue 108: Eyes on Africa[edit | edit source]
Andy and John turn their attention to Africa, home of some of the worlds craziest and most corrupt leaders. Also, John picks a fight with an octopus and Andy needs to raise 70 trillion pounds. We learn that Chris is not able to ski, but is able to fall. This information is an appropriate description of his time at The Bugle. He's not able to do it properly, he just...falls through it all, really
Daniel sends an email, titled 'F*** You Chris", the first page of a neverending, flamboyant, and thrilling romance.
Issue 109: In Rude Health[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver review Israel's latest 'zoning issues', and check the pulse of the latest healthcare reforms coming from America. 'The American' also pops in with the latest news on dog-firing guns and we hear about one of the greatest 'birds'.
- "Minority Leader Boehner has responded to this by saying "I know many Americans are angry over this health care bill and that Washington Democrats just aren't listening, but as I've said, violence and threats are unacceptable. That's not the American way." Oh, really? Try telling that to anyone wearing a red coat in Boston in the late 1700s. 'Cause it sure as shit felt like it was the American way then, as the crowd surged towards you with a barrel of tar and a bag of feathers... No, I'm not over it!" ...11:05
Issue 110: Britain Holds Its Breath[edit | edit source]
Week beginning Monday 12th April 2010
John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman get almost a little bit excited by the forthcoming general election in the UK. They profile Conservative party leader David Cameron and wonder why, compared the US presidential election, the Brits manage to make it such a dull affair.
Issue 111: Some Seriously Bad Pope-ing[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver dodge ash and flying magma to deliver another action packed show. Topics include the Vatican's incredibly poor handling of the scandal within the Catholic church, and is Nick Clegg the British Prime Minister in waiting? Also, how did it go so wrong with Octopi? We hear more, from an Octopus.
Issue 112: Birthday Party! Super Best Friends Invited![edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver celebrate John's birthday, special messages are delivered to Iceland, New York bankers and a mystery guest. Also, with the British general election approaching a mild-temperature, the latest leaders debate is reviewed.
Issue 113: Countdown to Vote-ageddon[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver relive the highlights of the week in the British election campaigns, including alleged bigots, dull debates and negative campaigning. How can we improve this? T-shirt guns and sound proof anger chambers of course!
Issue 114: Waking Up In A Different Britain[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Week beginning Monday 10th May 2010. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver stock up on caffeine and record the programme during the general election count. Upon close inspection, it appears that all parties have lost. Away from the election, a man with a masters degree has failed in his latest venture, as a car bomber. John gives the New York perspective on a failed terrorist with Bond-villain aspirations.
Issue 115: Five more years of this[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Week beginning Monday 17th May 2010. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver look at the new, inclusive British government, one that has less women in cabinet than in Afghanistan. Will the Clegg-Cameron affair last, and should the queen have made more of welcoming them to power?
Introduction : Andy is creepily inspired by the new spirit of cooperation in Britain now that the election has left a coalition in charge. John tells about a terrorism false alarm in Union Square.
In the Bin : Summer fashion for the slovenly.
Top Story : The UK is governed once more! Andy: "So they get to be in government, despite having missed the biggest sitting duck since the 35 stone Hawaiian sumo wrestler Konishiki dressed up like a mallard for a pond awareness campaign photo shoot but fell asleep in an armchair."
Silvio Berlusconi is getting divorced. John and Andy discuss what the estranged Mrs B might get in the settlement.
Problems in Greece: Andy uses his classics degree.
Email is not available and it's TOM'S FAULT.
Andy reads from Hugo Chavez's feed as part of learning his way around twitter.
Sport: Pitch invasions by fans of the despised Philadelphia Phillies, and an excellent baseball-related double bird.
The Bugle: Recent Decents - May 2010[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver are away. Luckily however, they talk too much. Producer Chris has swept up some of their many outtakes and glued them to a few new bits, and extended a few other bits, and this is the result!
Assembled by Producer Chris.
Long introduction: Italian food, Italian roadkill, other roadkill.
Feature: Sleep and the risks of not getting enough.
British political parties that are amazingly not bullshit.
Limited overs cricket.
Email : ceremony to commemorate Florence Nightingale, proposed Hotties from History gathering.
Issue 116: Freeze The Oil[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 John and Andy approach the US oil crisis with some practical solutions, asking the big questions: can you freeze oil, and can that frozen oil be moulded into a cricket bat? Also on the agenda we have the blossoming relationship between Robert Mugabe and Kim Jong Il, and their poor choice in presents.
Andy's daughter Mathilda and how Andy gets her to eat.
John meets the US soccer team that will play at the World Cup for the Daily Show.
Andy tells about a historical belch.
Top story : Oil slick on the Louisiana coast. Measuring oil in milk jugs. Or, say, cricket bats. Producer Chris does essential research.
Robert Mugabe sending an ark of African animals to Kim Jong Il.
- London 2012 Olympics mascots that look like penises.
- Request for John to record a Bugle alarm clock.
- The Bugle as an exam revision tool.
Issue 117: She bored'er colleagues[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Week beginning Monday the 7th of June, 2010 Andy and John discuss Israel's latest trip into crazy land, Iceland's joke politics and concerts for dogs.
- John meets the granddaughter of W.C. Fields. ...01:26
- The timelessness of stupid jokes. ...02:38
- Make The Bugle hereditary. ...03:08
In the Bin: House and Home section ...04:06
- Steve Redgrave rowing machine
Top story : Israel boards/storms a ship resupplying Gaza. ...05:10
- Joke political party in Iceland is elected.
- Lou Reed and Laurie Anderson are planning a huge concert in Australia for dogs. ...17:03
- Andy is inspired to embark on a dog-themed pun run. ...20:53
They drove past a textile maker who'd fallen into the icy Hudson river and just climbed out. "Look darling," said Lou Reed, "it's a cold and wet weaver" - Andy ...24:50
Feature section: Drinking
- Scientists on coffee. Massive use of coffee by both John and Andy. ...26:00
- Chris does research on what little milk pots are called. ...27:09
- Calculating the oil spill in terms of cricket bats. ...29:23
- Student in Wisconsin paints John and Andy. ...31:38
- Bugler writes from Antarctica. Reprise of Build Me Up Buttercup from Bugle 93. ...34:49
Issue 118: World Cup Special[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy and John talk about association football, and the forthcoming international kick about.
Introduction : World Cup! John will be in Johannesburg.
Top Story : Preview of England vs the USA in the World Cup! John has pretaped three different Daily Show segments for the three possible outcomes.
Bugle Classic World Cup Commentaries: 1954 World Cup Final: Germany v Hungary.
Bugle Classic World Cup Commentaries: 1986 World Cup Quarterfinal: Mexico v Argentina featuring Diego Maradona.
Preview: English Hooligans v South African Police Force.
Bugle World Cup Quiz! Includes traces of fact. Andy: "This is a fact...of sorts."
Great World Cup Moments
Forecast : Who will win the World Cup?
Issue 119: Oil Never Do It Again[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy and John wade through the greasy mess of the BP oil leak, find some good news for Afghanistan and mildly enjoy an underwhelming week in football.
Andy: "The first Bugle ever to be recorded during a World Cup."
Top Story : Oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Producer Chris does real-time wikipedia research on whether halibut eat plankton.
Minerals found in Afghanistan, and Gen. Petraeus faints before Congress.
Shittest World Cup ever! North Korea reports on its national football team's performance; John and Andy compare this to Kim Jong-Il's golf skill. The ball being used in the World Cup sucks.
27:10 Vuvuzela discussion. Andy is not a fan.
- USA vs England: "F**k you and your butterfingers goalie! USA! USA!"
- Massive wang drawn on a bridge in St Petersburg.
- 31:00-34:35 A listener offers to make the Bugle official sponsor of his wedding. Discussion ensues.
- 34:35 Best first sentence of a news story.
Condolences to sound engineer Paul whose basketball team lost some kind of championship thingy.
The Times puts the Bugle web page behind a paywall.
Issue 120: McChrystal Balls[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Jon and Andy enjoy excerpts from General McChrystal's interview with Rolling Stone and chat to some Scottish guy called Tom.
The Bugle is passing the 70 hour mark!
Top Story : General Stanley McChrystal complains about the running of the war in Afghanistan and it's published in Rolling Stone. Oops. Includes an excellent bird. Andy quotes General David Petraeus giving an interview to a magazine for teenage girls.
Pensions in the UK public sector.
Booboo news: Islamic cleric says a man drinking a woman's breast milk makes them family. Theological discussion ensues.
World Cup is less shit now! Especially because the French have been hilariously bad. Exclusive English-language commentary on the French performance.
Tom the Producer drops by to talk about the World Cup, take the piss out of England, and say fuck you, Chris.
Email : Suggested highly Bugle-influenced wedding vows.
Sport : Wikipedia vandalism affecting golfer Graeme McDowell. Extremely long tennis game and other long sporting events.
Issue 121: I spy with my little eye…[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 John and Andy talk espionage, golf, beer, and Egyptian wangs.
For the week beginning 5th July, 2010.
John tells about hosting a charity award ceremony at Radio City Music Hall. John: "all that razzmatazz culminating in a bespectacled English man walking out in a grey suit looking like he's about to talk to everyone about their taxes".
Andy tells about history that was overlooked at the time. The Queen and Clark Gable on D-Day -- who knew...
Top story : Inept spies in the USA. John: "Andy, there are only three things better than stories about spies; they are: ice cream, the release of Nelson Mandela, and Lionel Messi."
Barack Obama criticised for playing too much golf. Commentary included.
Barack Obama and David Cameron trade beers.
King Tut's penis has disappeared!
World Cup: Disappointment about England's elimination. John manages to keep his girlfriend.
Email : Flipping the bird with an actual bird.
Issue 122: Donald Trump in drag[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy and john celebrate the Queen's triumphant visit to New York and discuss the Al Qaeda soccer league.
Issue 122a: History of the World Part 1[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy Zaltzman introduced some of the finer moments from the early days of The Bugle.
Issue 122b: History of the World Part 2[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy Zaltzman hosts the 2nd installment of the history of the world.
Issue 122g: History of the World Part 3[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy Zaltzman takes us closer to the modern era, which a journey into ancient 2009.
Issue 122d: History of the World Part 4[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Recent history from Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver.
Issue 123: That clock is pimped out![edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver discuss George 'The Human Chainsaw' Osborne's Gross-Out Slasher Budget, slides being as dangerous as guns, and pimped-out Islami-clocks. Plus, a peek into the memoirs of Mark van Bommel.
Week beginning Monday 16 August 2010. Andy is in Edinburgh performing at the Fringe. John tells about doing a gig in Central Park. Andy meets a Bugler who is an aid worker in Darfur. ...0:45
In the Bin : Archaeology section. Acropolis, whether Caesar's Palace could be an ancient Roman building, how to do an archaeological dig in your back garden. ...05:42
Top Story Britain has a debt problem and plans to cut 25 percent of public spending. John does an extended riff on the supposed connection between this and fat people. ...07:31
Andy proposes introducing tax to children at an earlier age. ...20:18
Meltdown at Fifteen Feet News: Flight attendant Steven Slater argues with unreasonable passenger, tells the passenger off over the intercom, deploys the emergency slide, and makes his escape. He becomes an instant hero. ...21:33
Feature section: Islamic Architecture. New clock being built on the clock tower in Mecca. The clock is blinged out. John and Andy discuss proposals to move the prime meridian from Greenwich to Mecca. John defends True Time, aka Greenwich Mean Time. ...28:57
Edinburgh Festival: Andy recommends the show of promising young comedian Andy Zaltzman and goes on to review some bullshit Edinburgh shows. ...35:26
Sport : The World Cup has finished. Spain beat what Andy called a reprehensible Dutch team. Andy reads from the diary of Dutch footballer Mark van Bommel. ...37:45 Andy: "I walked into the kitchen, elbowed the coffee machine right on its cappuccino frother...then poured some cornflakes into a bowl. I put the bowl on the floor, then clattered into it from behind, studs raised." ...38:34
Andy threatens vengeance for any Bugler who fails to come to his Edinburgh show. ...39:57
Issue 124: Brazilliant![edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Drum kits out, let's rip Brazil 'til it's ill.
Week beginning 23 Aug 2010.
John is in his hotel room in Milwaukee when he receives champagne, strawberries, and a card saying 'the Milwaukee division of the Bugle army has your back'. Well done Milwaukee Buglers! John's faith in humanity is restored. Though while he was in Milwaukee he also tried cheese soup.
Andy is still in Edinburgh and reiterates his curse for Buglers who don't come to his show. A man in his audience made his own Bugle t-shirt depicting the Wang on the Roof from Bugle 69. Outstanding.
Two hundred years ago today, Napoleon proposed replacing battles with a dance-off. The Russians refused, relying instead on their brutal winter to emerge victorious.
In the Bin: Light your living room so you can interrogate your friends! ...04:55
Top Story Democracy own gooooooooooooooooal (The Brazilian Presidential Election). Satire has been banned in the pre-election period. John and Andy step in to fill the gap. Andy points out that he has had audiences that believed he was working under anti-joking legislation. Andy reminds us of how in 1959 a rhinoceros ran for election in Brazil, and tells of hilarious (real) Brazilian candidates of the past. All hail Kung-Fu Fatty and the Second King of Prawns. ...05:50
One Hundred Days News: The British coalition government has lasted 100 days. But how impressive were Jesus and Genghis Khan in their first hundred days? ...15:30
North Korea has joined twitter! So far they have used the platform for propaganda and various forms of calling South Korea a prostitute. Andy tells us the tale of the singer Pink's attempts to enlist dead portrait painters to depict her beloved Kim Jong-Il. ...17:36
Bugle Free Gift Andy and John reprise the Francis Bacon bit from Andy's 2001 Edinburgh Fringe show Andy Zaltzman and the Dog of Doom. The Dog of Doom was played on an offstage mic by John Oliver. ...23:26
Feature Section Golf Courses on Massive Rivers: A golf course is being built in the Amazon. The fee to play includes 12 balls, clubs, and...a machete. Difficulties for golfers include piranhas, caimans, and the occasional boa constrictor. Andy digs up some commentary from previous tournaments played there. ...27:03
- Bugler Joe writes to remind John and Andy of their admiration for teams that don't win. He proposes a new official football team of the Bugle: Wigan Athletic. Also, he loves Producer Chris's hair. Or perhaps Producer Chris should love his own hair. ...30:29
- Bugler Chris Hansen writes from Plano, TX, USA USA USA, to report on statistical trends in Bugle duration from episodes 18-123. Summary: Buglers are getting longer. The Bugle is Bugler Chris's only source of information on European history and has successfully piped in with facts on Joanna the Mad and the non-ratification of the EU's Lisbon treaty. Andy bravely tries to tweet the image of the graph. ...33:33
Issue 125: Donor Fatigue[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 No one has any spare change for Pakistan, China hits gridlock and the CIA are listening in.
Week beginning 30 August 2010
Andy is the three-time winner of the Bugle Edinburgh Fringe award, 2008, 2009, 2010. John, heartbreakingly, was the runner-up all three times. We learn that a recently arrested Canadian terrorist had auditioned for Canadian Idol, singing Complicated by Avril Lavigne. John and Andy talk about plans for the millionth Bugle, which is projected for 10 July, 25263. The hosts are projected to be Bugleaxe Badonkadonk Zaltzman and John Oliver the DCCVIth. (John, after a long string of bullshit: "I've drifted off, Andy")
Nothing in history has ever happened on 30th August.
In the Bin : Economy home tanning section. Andy tries out his new Greta Garbo impression. John suggests we check in later when it has had time to mature.
Top Story : Floods in Pakistan. John speculates on Ban Ki-moon's emotional response. Andy explains at 10:15 that the 'ki' in Ban Ki-moon stands for Keith, so his full name is Ban Keith Moon. John and Andy discuss donor fatigue and Andy talks about miserly people at charity fundraising gigs.
Traffic Jam in China: Over sixty miles long and lasting more than a week. John points out that Andy is not the most patient person in a traffic jam, and Andy reads his anatomy of a nine-day traffic jam.
This week Vladimir Putin shot a whale with a crossbow! John proposes a soft-porn calendar of Putin.
Feature Section: The CIA! There are two stories about them this week, but they have been interfering with Andy's young son, so Andy couldn't write them. John steps in: 1) The CIA gave hallucinogenic bread to a French village in the 1950s. 2) The key aide to President Karzai, and other prominent Afghans, are being paid by the CIA. Way to root out corruption in Afghanistan.
Email : The CIA are kicking the Bugle out of the Edinburgh studio. No email or sport!
A hero Bugler flew 21 hours on four separate flights to see Andy's Edinburgh show! Hero!
Issue 126: Let's talk about peace, baby[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 The People's Prime Minister releases his memoirs, an American Pastor will be punished, fusilli stunts, and the pair unleash some Middle East peace news.
The Bugle missed a week due to an unexpected bereavement in Andy's family. Buglers were very supportive after the initial flurry of "Where's our f**king Bugle!!!".
Tony Blair's memoirs have been published.
Blair wrote candidly about his alcohol use as Prime Minister. John and Andy relate this to the British character and apply it to other past Prime Ministers, and to George W. Bush. They speculate about where Princess Diana is now.
Literally and Metaphorically Inflammatory Action News: pastor Terry Jones has postponed his plan to set fire to the Koran. PUN RUN: names of kinds of pasta.
Sweary Bugle: Producer Ped has three pages already of things to bleep out.
Middle East Peace Talk News: John sings Salt n Pepa's Let's Talk about Sex (his version: Let's Talk about Peace). Producer Ped settles a disagreement about who wrote the song.
Bugler John Parsons writes from Auckland: a psycho on the bus misunderstood his laugher at the Bugle and broke his nose.
Bugler 'Mazhar Majeed' writes that the Bugle can make big money by making deals with Indian bookmakers. They will pay out if John or Andy says the words 'no ball' in the 3rd, 10th, and 18th minutes of the Bugle. Andy admits to having already done spot-fixing on the Bugle.
Sport : golfer Jim Furyk overslept and missed his tee time at the Pro Am. John talks about similar situations, like Pascual Pérez getting lost on the way to the stadium to pitch for the Braves, Ken Griffey Jr missing a chance to pinch-hit when he fell asleep in the Mariners' clubhouse, and the entire British Olympics team nearly losing the opportunity to compete in the 1896 Olympics in Athens due to a Julian/Gregorian calendar mixup.
Andy gives a profile of Jim Furyk in the runup to the Ryder Cup. Did somebody mention aliens? Rat plasma?
Issue 127: 12 Friends and 1 Champion[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy and John welcome the pope to Britain. Also in the news - cheapskate animals and lovely hair.
Andy: "It's been quite sweary, The Bugle, recently."
Chris: "It's now twelve f*cks, one c*nt, this episode. Actually, now I've said that it's thirteen, two."
Andy: "Twelve f*cks, one c*nt, that's basically the Jewish attitude towards the new testament, isn't it?"
Issue 128: UN-couth[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 The Un meet in New York, and Britain is rubbish.
Issue 129: Kim Jong Unbelievable[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy and john discuss new leaders from North Korea and, even more left wing, the UK.
Issue 130: Fire Sale[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy and John discuss an unorthodox approach to fire management, enjoy the antics of a South American leader (not that one) and once again Ahmadinajad does something weird.
Issue 131: A Miner Celebration[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman celebrate 3 years of audio gold as the Chilean miners resurface, a Philly protester has an advertising streak, and we learn the dangers of a lunchtime sherry sup.
Issue 132: Massive Cuts[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy and John analyses the week's massive ConDem cuts.
Issue 132 and a bit: Cut for a reason[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Some recent decent moments from Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver.
Issue 132 and an old bit: No Bugle[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 No Bugle, but here's a bonus extra!
Issue 133: Backwang Forever[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Obama and Cameron hit the Asian political roadshow, UK students riot a bit, and Australia excels itself.
Issue 134: Royal Wedding Souvenir Edition[edit | edit source]
Tribute to the greatest wedding news of all time.
Issue 135: Kim Jong il-conceived[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Kim Jong Il picks one last fight, the Irish economy dives and Silvio Berlusconi puts EU money to good, hard, use.
Issue 136: Do I Not Leak That[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy and John discuss the flood of Wikileaks and FIFA's bizarre World Cup host selections.
Issue 137: Crazies Special[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy and John celebrate Crazies from around the world. Then John leaves.
Issue 138: A Christmas Bugle![edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy and John bring in the seasonal cheer.
Issue 138a: More Old Gold[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 A Christmas treat - the second half of some classic 2005 Zaltzman and Oliver.
Issue 138b: Review of 2010[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy Zaltzman walks us through the year in Bugle, a year which was mostly known as '2010'.
Issue 139: *Spoiler alert* 2011 Preview Special[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver return for 2011 with news of bird-raining apocalypse, the glorious Ashes victory, and a certain someone makes their return.
-Britain to allow public to submit bills to parliament
-Dead bird news
-The American ...20:56
Issue 140: The Divorce of a Nation[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Sudan splits in 2, Belgium considers the same and wizards on trial. Plus, Chris brings back a message of good will from Australia.
Introduction : Week beginning Monday 17th of January,. Andy says, "This is the last ever Bugle whose number you could score at darts without hitting three trebles, or a combination of trebles and bullseyes!" Producer Chris is back from Australia, where he watched the English cricketers soundly beat the Aussies. This is the anniversary of Captain Scott reaching the South Pole and finding he wasn't the first to get there. Andy re-enacts the event.
Sudan is considering splitting into two countries.
Belgium has been ungoverned for six months. John and Andy have independently written Belgian waffle jokes. Actor Benoit Waffle has urged Belgians not to shave until there is a government. John suggests that women and children should join in using stick-on beards.
News story from Andy about children's entertainer Hattie the Hedgehog.
Dubai has fined a wizard who was charging a modest fee to make money rain down from the sky. John and Andy discuss the economic implications. Wizard Factbox.
Email : Bugler Danny Scully writes from Washington Height, New York City, about a prison riot in West Sussex in which prisoners burned ten new snooker tables. John and Andy mourn the senseless loss. The importance of Benny Hill music in riot control.
Correspondence from Australia. Producers Chris and Tom met up and had some beers, and then some more beers, and then recorded a message for John and Andy. Chris talks about Australian women shouting at their men in public.
Sport : Brazilian football player is running late for training, claims he was kidnapped. This is clearly a result of football's diving culture. Andy talks about how to bring higher levels of crime into Formula One.
Issue 141: Tunisia is Revolting[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 John and Andy discuss Tunisian unrest, the smell of Lithuania, and musical ties.
Week beginning Monday, 24 Jan 2011. Producer: Chris.
Introduction : John has just returned from Texas and is poetically star-struck by barbeque. John: "All I know is this, Andy: if I was a cow, and I knew that I could taste like that, I'd find it very hard to make a coherent case for not being immediately killed and slow-cooked."
Andy describes Barack Obama exterminating mice and Arthur Miller's award-winning belch. And Andy sold out an evening at the Soho Theatre for the first time ever, thanks to Buglers!
In the Bin : sequels to famous films.
Top Story : Tunisia's revolution. President Zine El Abidine Ben Ali and his family have fled the country. John does an impression of David Attenborough. Ben Ali went to Saudi Arabia but his relatives ended up in EuroDisney. Andy talks about the British media's focus on how it affected British holidaymakers. Andy talks about how Tunisians used the internet to affect the revolution and wanders into talking about Hannibal.
Lithuania News: Lithuania is rebranding itself with a new fragrance! Unfortunately Andy's ancestors were forced to flee the country, and the perfume doesn't smell of gefilte fish and gunshot. John does some adverts for the scent and looks for a Lithuanian celebrity spokesperson. And what would Britain's scent be?
Novelty Tie News: British Conservative MP Nadhim Zahawi had to apologise to the Speaker of the House of Commons when his novelty tie started playing during a debate.
Royal Wedding Update: John has his Royal Wedding Advent calendar. Andy: "We are of course the official podcast of the royal wedding." John: "That is unofficially true." Prince William and Kate Middleton are considering asking for charitable contributions in lieu of gifts. Previous royal weddings have involved impressive gifts. Andy and his wife received a large marrow as a gift on their wedding day.
- Andy: "I would say in response to one email we got, from a Steve O'Gallagher, we will not accept any requests to tell friends of Buglers to go f**k themselves. Not even Steve O'Gallagher's housemate Adam Pollard who he wanted us to tell to go f**k himself. I'm afraid we're not taking--we cannot uncork that magnum of pain! John: "That's a--it's a very dangerous precedent to set, Andy. Andy is not going to become a go-f**k-yourself jukebox for hire."
- Belgian Bugler Isabelle writes what makes Belgium great apart from waffles. Andy is having none of it. And Isabelle makes a waffle joke!
- Bugler Shane Dunn writes to correct Andy's statement about darts scoring in episode 140.
- Buglers Benoit Waffle and Ophira McDoom call bullshit on Andy's wizards factbox in episode 140: the Washington Wizards are a basketball team, not a baseball team.
Andy responds indignantly: "I do my research for these things! I don't just sit there and make shit up!"
Sport: The New York Cosmos are back! For a questionable definition of 'back'. Andy draws an analogy with his own career as a professional tennis player.
Issue 142: Egypt Erupts[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 As Egypt erupts into chaos, Andy and John discover they may have played a part in the uprising.
Issue 143: Egypt crisis - a good time to buy a jumper[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy and John discuss further troubles in Egypt and the various shockwaves, involving the US, Iran, and clothing stores.
Issue 144: No Going Mubarak[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Little Hosni finally steps down - what next?
Issue 144a: Lowlights 2011[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy is on a plane. John isn't. Here's some stuff they said about the news recently.
- "Some shit bits that weren't good enough to go on recent shows" - Andy
- (19:20) Chris says that Andy and John don't love us as much as he does, and he can "barely, barely hold back the contempt I have for you at the best of times". Fuck you Chris.
Issue 145: Libyeah or Libyna[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Gaddafi blows things up, Mugabe blows out candles and Berlusconi, er, oh yeah.
First ever Bugle from Asia, first Bangalore Bugle.
British imperialism bit
400 Years to the day since Swiss King Olaf The Weird inadvertently discovered skiing
As many Bugles as flavours of ice cream at John the Baptist's 5th birthday party
Top Story : Unrest Update; Libyikes!
"[Gaddafi] is like Puff Daddy or Madonna, Andy. When you've been in power for as long as he has, you have to keep re-inventing yourself so that you stay relevant and people don't get bored" - John
Silvio Berlusconi news (23:45)
"We've all got our Hosni Mubarak excuses" - Andy
Leadership birthday news (26:20)
Robert Mugabe turned 87 this week. Sent a ceremonial 87 "fuck you"s from the rest of the planet
Uganda news (28:10)
Bugle feature section: travel! (30:05)
British imperialism reference
Issue 146: Long over-Jew[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 The Catholic church is to tell the world that Jewish people weren't responsible for the death of Jesus. Also, Colonel Gaddafi struggles to understand the word 'responsible', especially when sandwiched between 'I am' and 'for really bad things'.
Issue 146a: Lowerlights 2011[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Another worst off.
Issue 147: Man Versus Nature[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 The big fight is on - in the blue corner we have Gaddafi, Al Qaeda and Donald Trump… and in the red corner it's tectonic plates, wind and waves. Let battle commence!
Issue 147a: Zaltman, live from Dhaka[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 It's a week off, but Andy found the time to play 2 nights in a comedy club in Dhaka.
Issue 147b: More Salztman, live from Dhaka[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy changes comedy, in Bangladesh.
Issue 148: Mayhem Update[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 After 3 weeks away, Andy and John return to no change - Libya is still crazy, Japan toxic, and Belgians have waffles.
Issue 149: #crucifybieber[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 So beyond Libya, what else is happening?
World's highest-scoring football match! 147-0, and the entertaining true story of why.
Justin Bieber causes diplomatic incident in Israel. Analysis of Bieber lyrics with Israel in mind.
Israel's foreign minister flushes a toilet live on air during a radio interview. John thinks this should happen more often.
Unrest in Syria. The Economist and its Unrest Index.
Czech minister steals a pen.
210-foot penis painted on bridge in St Petersburg wins an award as a work of art!
Email : The Bugle is not funny enough to distract a man from his own vasectomy.
Andy's bullshit story about a new approach to bullfighting.
Second fundraiser featuring Andy's daughter's athletic achievement.
Issue 150: Royal Wedding Preview[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 There is no news, other than the royal wedding.
The royal wedding is nearly here!
Also: Happy Good Friday, when Andy's people brought a man to justice.
John was in London, and he and Andy went out to eat in Chinatown and had a peppery meal.
There are the same number of Bugles as psalms in the Bible! Andy mentions some Psalms that didn't make the cut.
Jesus gives a post-crucifixion press conference. The Gospel According to Alvin.
Royal wedding! The importance of the event. John sings "Comfortably Numb".
Prince Charles has become the longest-serving heir apparent in British history.
Andy suggests gifts for the royal couple. The Queen has now met the parents of her future granddaughter-in-law.
Andy reports on what the bride will wear.
Kate Middleton's family has had a new coat of arms designed. John and Andy don't think much of it, and suggest that Buglers submit designs for the Bugle Coat of Arms. Chris submits a drawing of two sets of cock 'n' balls. Andy makes this into a contest; the prize is a mug from the Royal Wedding of Charles and Diana.
People in Wales have the opportunity to write in a guestbook for the royal wedding. John and Andy discuss the importance of having moderators filter what is written. John solicits guestbook entries from Buglers.
Royal wedding things bookies are taking bets on: what will be served at the dinner?
Andy reports on world leaders' responses to the wedding and tells about special bylaws that only apply on days of royal weddings.
The Bugle Archives: 1934, when Prince George of Kent married Princess Marina of Greece and Denmark. Exclusive archival recording from the BBC.
Email : No email will be read out that isn't royal wedding related!
Sport : No sport, only weddings!
Issue 151: Regal Bugle[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Wills and Princess K-Dogg tie the knot.
Issue 152: Compromised to a permanent end[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Osama Bin Laden is dead. Or is he? Yes, yes he is.
Issue 153: Wake Up, Gaddafi[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Other than the royal wedding, and the death of Osama bin Laden, there has been other news lately…
Issue 154: Keep it in your pants[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Arnie, bin laden and Strauss-Kahn - put it away!
Issue 155: The Queen is on fire![edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Obama meets the Queen, more despots banged up, and The American pays a visit.
Issue 156: Who's Tailin' Palin?[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 John's inevitable romance with The Pippa Middleton Of Canada gathers pace, Kamikaze septuagenarians march on nuclear power plant, and the Bugle sets its sights on a fire-breathing badonkadonk. Also, what or who is a cockchafer ?
Issue 157: Reacting like a coiled donut[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Also, hear Andy's fascinating reading of the latest crime thriller sensation. In other news, Andy reveals he has a few Olympics tickets, Chris has none, and John doesn't need any because he's in America.
Issue 158: Hot Rod & Dragster Strike Out[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3
Plus, part 2 of
Andy'sGrishman's novel is released, what next for Stantonio? And Chris has been playing with an FX machine, for too long.
Issue 158a: Trully Offal[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy is at Glastonbury, John is gambling. So here's some stuff that we dropped in recent months.
Issue 159: Everything Must Go![edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 The world sells its wares, John inexplicably hits a home run, and we catch up with Stantanio in chapter three of The Congressman's Penis.
Issue 160: News Out Of This World[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 John reports from the last shuttle launch, and Andy broadcasts from our studio in Wapping, also home to the now extinct News Of The World.
Mathematical entry for the issue 160 of the Bugle.
John saw something go to space, and Andy went to his Grandmother's birthday. He reads the letter she received from the Queen for the occasion
Main story: Space shuttle launches ! Andy and John reflect on what is left of the space race, and what will become of it.
News of the world news: Hack attack! Turns out journalists have been hacking the phones of celebrities (which is fine), politicians (which is less fine), and families grieving for dead sons (which sounds pretty bad). Everybody was shocked to discover that tabloids used questionable methods.
Andy jumps on the occasion to offer some puns of journalist integrity.
Other news: Gay marriage is legalized in NYC. Andy struggles to understand why they want to stop straight people from marrying, while John decides to pursue his dream to start "a wedding band that only plays techno music and Melissa Etheridge covers". We're given a short, but spectacular preview.
E-mail section: Sweet and uplifting german poetry about the cockchafer, which stirs unpleasant memories for Andy. Definition of #F*ckyouChris.
Sports: Victory for Britain in tennis over Luxembourg.
Bugle forecast: Will there be a Bugle next week ?
Issue 161: Hacking: A self esteem issue[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman sift through the latest lowlights from the News of The World scandal. Find out how on earth this links to being swallowed by a whale.
Issue 162: Making a mountain out of a mountain[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy and John wade through a murky week's news, including Hackgate, Libya and McOlympics
Issue 163: Debt To America[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Also in the news - the weather, noisy insects, and potty mouthed toll booth attendants.
Issue 163a: Too Offal[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Content deemed too poor to air.
Issue 164: Ich Bin Ein Hulkmaniac[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy flees the riots in London to report from the comfort of Edinburgh, whilst John has the latest news from the US - a nation coming to terms with it's AA+ rating. Plus, The Smurfs is #1, will John mention it?
Issue 165: Bashar goes to Madcon 1[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Also, riot fallouts, corrupt India and exciting news from Edinburgh.
Issue 166: Gaddafi's Last Bugle?[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Plus - exclusive! Andy and John on stage together this week!
Issue 166a: We're back, Andy[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Further exclusive noises from the Edinburgh Fringe as John and Andy take to the stage once more.
Issue 166b: This offal tastes funny[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Some amazing outtakes.
Issue 166g: Offal Edinburgher[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 More from Andy and John in Edinburgh.
Issue 167: Berlusconi: Hard to swallow[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Also, Palestine, tax and all-female football crowds.
Leaders Special #1: Silvio Berlusconi[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Relive some of Silvio's finest moments.
Leaders Special #2L Mahmood Ahmadinejad[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy and John on another Bugle favourite.
Issue 168: Streets of Rage[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 The 1st Bugle after John is married, featuring Wall st protests, Greece and Iranian spies.
Issue 169: Captain Crazy corks it[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy and John bid farewell to a despot extraordinaire as Colonel Gaddafi's commendable game of hide and seek draws to a close.
Issue 170: It's time to ban slap bass[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Plus, a new inductee to the hall of fame.
Issue 171: A Greek Tragedy[edit | edit source]
link to mp3 Not the Eurozone, but Andy's puns. Save us.
Issue 172: Berlusconi bows out[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 In other news, Mexican prisons sound like fun, and Cosmonauts live in car parks.
Issue 173: Techno! Techno! Technocrat![edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Plus, racism, sexism, homophobia and other adventures in FIFAland.
Issue 173a: Turkey Offal[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Straight off the kitchen floor.
Issue 174: Britain's Back Baby![edit | edit source]
Email: "The Greatest Email Ever Sent or Recieved" - Bugle Consumer Report: Bugler top picks on Amazon
Iran puts Britain back on the map.
Issue 175: Putin the boot in[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 One man, no vote.
Issue 176: Deep Space Nine[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Andy and John get Thai-rate.
The Best of 2011: Part 1[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Half of everything that happened in 2011 - Berlusconi, Bin Laden, the Arab Spring, and wang music.
The Best of 2011: Part 2[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 The other half of everthing that happened in 2011.
Issue 177: Weapons of mass election[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 Plus, tributes to Kim Jong Il.
Issue 178: The Final Countdown[edit | edit source]
Link to mp3 It's a Nuclear Oblivion special!
Issue 186: An Insult to Civil Society[edit | edit source]
Andy and John, together in New York, round up global election news and sit an unorthodox mathematics test. Introduction
Andy stays in John's appartment in New York, and eats 36 bagels a day. The Bugle is Itune's podcast of the week, which means that for a week, the Bugle is the best thing of Earth. John warns new listeners that they probably won't enjoy the next 40 minutes.
In the Bin
- The book: "Are You a Prostitute?". Andy quizzes John, and turns out he is not a prostitute, but he very well could have been if he had been a woman.
- Vladimir Putin is elected president of Russia.
- Netanyahu compares ducks and Iran's nuclear program.
- Iran's elections
- Super Tuesday! Rick Santorum is endorsed by the quaterback Philip Rivers, which could change the outcome of the elections.
- France is racist, and president Nicolas Sarkozy finds his inner and no-so-hidden racist alter ego. Andy did a concert in Nice, and had all his money stolen while playing trumpet.
- A teacher assigns his students maths problems around violent and illegal situations.
- Chris and Paul should try to take Andy and John down before it's too late and they murder every Bugler. Paul gave Andy a pasta dish to set him up before the recording. Chris should up his game.
- The Chelsea' manager was sacked.
Andy has gigs in New York, and the Bugle is going to be posted on Soundcloud. Sadly, he can't remember any more details. John is planning to skateboard with Andy all week.
The Bugle 193 - Happy Deathiversary![edit | edit source]
Osama Bin Laden's death commemoration special! Plus Gingrich promises holograms and 32% of the people of Britain have spoken. Introduction
- John met the Funk during a Daily Show shooting. Andy didn't, because it's always been in him. He has Jewish funk.
- It's been 25 years since Margareth Tatcher gave birth to Lady Gaga.
Happy Deathiversary! A year ago, Bin Laden was shot in the face.
- John prepared a card, to celebrate the occasion: "It barely seems twelve months ago, that we were glad to see him go; We really found the perfect place, to put that bullet in that face; We all wished him the worst of health, wanting so much for him to go f*** himself; And now he's gone the world is better; and I thought I'll write you this letter; For twelve months ago together we said, ding dong, the douche is dead; Happy deathiversary."
- Even though Obama killed Bin Laden, Fox News is still alive, Liz Taylor and Steve Jobs are dead...
- Obama went on a high-fiving tour.
- Bin Laden was not very nice, and he wrote a lot of letters, with a lot of pages.
- Andy found the last thought of the famous former living evil Santa Claus.
- Newt Gingrich left the Republican election, delivering a short and graceful speech.
- Elections News: London mayor elections.
- Ben replaced Chris, who had to "go to Ped's wedding". (What he truly did was interrupt seventeen randoms wedding vows, kill seven puppies to make a carpet for his car, and draw penises on the Rosetta Stone. F*** you Chris.)
- An anonymous email from a female only interested in men who's looking for relationship.
Andy nails it and perfectly delivers the soundcloud adress.