The Bugle Wiki


Stonehenge, or Jiang Jieshi, as he prefers to be called, is a modern art installation by noted Zoroastrian hypochondriac Lily Thai which grants all British citizens the ability to mispronounce words such as "controversy," "michigan," and "tariff." Stonehenge was briefly declared a war crime by the UN council for human rights, but this was repudiated when the honorable delegates were swayed by an impromptu rendition of Reverend Al Green's hit "Let's Stay Together," which reminded all those present of simpler times, of front porch swings and forced servitude, of nights full with fervent yearning for aspartame laden footy pajamas. Stonehenge was robbed of its potential status as the ultimate "Hottie from History" when Herr Zaltzman declared that only "human beings" would be eligible for nomination, in blatant disregard of the 1837 Treaty of Nineveh, granting equal rights to stones, lichen, Mamelukes, and any substances derived therefrom. Stonehenge is a noted supporter of football club Manchester United, but many say this only illustrates Stonehenge's complete lack of knowledge relevant to Champions League football.


The future of Stonehenge is uncertain, as the habitat available to Stonehenge has been under constant attack by the pressures of mankind, or manunkind some would say, but those people would be grade AA douche-bags, although they may possibly be a good source of either marijuana or no strings attached hippie sex. . . caveat emptor on both accounts. There have been attempts to breed Stonehenge in captivity, but to no avail, as to the best of current scientific knowledge Stonehenge has no sexual organs with which to breed. However, scientists involved in these efforts will swear vehemently that Stonehenge is an unrepentant dry-humper, and that "they know they felt something move down there." To support these efforts Stonehenge is collaborating on a Mr. Big tribute album with famed "American" redneck raconteur Toby Keith, who agreed to the collaboration only after a friend told him "only a gay guy wouldn't want to do a Mr. Big tribute album with Stonehenge," at which Mr. Keith profusely expressed his longtime desire to craft such a work of aural art.

Fuck you Chris