The Bugle Wiki

Silvio Caligula Berlusconi

"Silvio Caesar" (Born 29 September 1929) is the current owner and proprietor of the dessicated remains of the Roman Empire.   Although the empire has lost a bit of it's grandeur due to the Visigoth, Vandal and Ostrogoth sacks of Rome between 410 and 546 AD. However, Silvio works tirelessly to keep some of the ancient traditions alive.  Mainly, the ancient Roman traditions of corruption and pederasty.

Silvio Berlusconi in Japan

Come si dice "Shit eating grin' in italiano?

Berlusconi is known for posessing more pies than it is possible for one man to have fingers in. Berlusconi was made supreme ruler in 1994, however was deposed in 1995, re-elected in 2001, re-deposed in 2006, and re-re-elected in 2008, and, despite numerous pointy attempts to stop him, he continues to taunt France as ruler of the most successful womanizing country. His career is being adapted into a horror film about a creature that just won't stay dead.

Family background and private life[]

Berlusconi was raised by wolves under a fig tree near the river Tiber.  He was later discovered and adopted by a passing shepherd, and was given the name Silvio Burlusconi, which means "huge sack" in a local Italian dialect.  The name was chosen not for his otherwise unremarkable scrotum, but for the shameless way in which he carried on his affairs even as a baby.  He was breast fed until he was 36 by his mother and a series of Italian lingerie models.  Most Italian men stop breast feeding at the age of 26.

After completing his secondary school education, his studied law at the Università Statale in Milan, graduating with a thesis on the legal aspects of advertising in 1961.  By focusing on studying law and advertising, he sought to follow in the steps of the wolves that raised him.  Berlusconi was not required to serve the standard one-year stint in the Italian army which was compulsory at the time, because he could not stop giggling during the army physical exam.

Fuck you Chris