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Get Your Bits In is a riotous romp through the world of modern America with a classically-rugged hero and sassy heroine combo updated for today’s high-tech world.

Salandra is a humble Etsy merchant with a lust for e-commerce and  a lushly curved figure. She spends her days working on her laptop in a local coffee shop, jacked up on caffeine and hope. She fantasises quietly about the other customers in the coffee shop but she knows at the ripe old age of 24, her time for youthful romance has passed. Little does she know that her cafe crush, looming romantically over his laptop on the next table over, is Hank.

Hank is a half-vampire half-tech billionaire keeping his feet on the ground by working from a cafe whose IP he owns. When Hank’s business rivals from the supernatural underground stage a violent takeover of the coffee shop, Salandra is drawn into an age-old conflict by Hank’s side.

Can she overcome her small-town Etsy prejudices against tech billionaires to listen to her heart?

Can Hank overcome his rigid schedule of intermittent fasting, high-intensity interval training, and paleo-blood orgies and let love in even though it might mean an unoptimised life?

Thrill as they ultimately resist and succumb to the passion that flares between them. Laugh at the hilarious misunderstanding where he tormentedly confesses that he’s a vampire and she just thinks he’s just admitting to the role that Silicon Valley entrepreneurs play in propagating late-stage consumer capitalism while purporting to disrupt it. Puzzle as the vampire conglomerate tries to launch a search engine.

Get Your Bits In, a modern romance.  

On sale now in online newsagents only. 

Josh: I have to say, I love a book based on my life.

Alice: That particular book by D’Ancey LaGuarde was met with criticism by having a lot of product placement in it specifically for Josh Gondelman products. Is there any truth to the rumours that you paid D’Ancey for this book? That it was a commission?

Josh: Oh yes, it was definitely a commission. It was the highest commission that I’ve ever devoted my life to. How else you gonna get the word out to horny lonelies? You gotta reach ‘em somewhere. You gotta hit them where they live.