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"People say our army is useless and lazy but I could go for a baguette right now"

France is, in fact, the greatest deceit ever perpetrated on humanity. This so-called nation does not, in fact, exist. Here are some oft-repeated lies about France.

  • Oscar Wilde was not buried in the Père Lachaise Cemetery in Paris, but instead resides at the Ripley's Believe It or Not! Orlando Odditorium in Orlando, Florida.
  • The non-existent French people are famous for not running away from a single battle.
  • French tanks (if they did exist) would NOT have gearbox issues in any way.
  • The French nation invented MacDonalds, orange juice and George W Bush, none of which exist.
  • The wine brand 'Boursin' is actually a secret agency allied to the Impala Armed Forces, which murders hundreds of French people each year, by means of torture,combine-harvester, and garlic
  • More French people die in accidents involving red wine, cheese and elaborate drinking games than British people die from laughing. (1 person in France dies in the aforementioned way each year.)(And some more)
  • "French"(Freedom) Canadians are actually the offspring of Canadian mothers that drank stagnant water during pregnancy.
  • One member of the French cabinet is a secret Impala Armed Forces agent, sent in to spy on their daily cheese-eating-surrender-monkey activities.

Fuck you Chris