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Resistance is Futile

The Fact-Off is a semi-regular section of The Bugle, between the hosts in order to determine who is more British. It is an impromptu section that is thrown in whenever a fact is disputed between John and Andy. What follows are a few tense moments whilst someone, sometimes multiple someones, checks the disputed fact on Wikipedia, then a period of ungracious celebration by the winner, and an eventual return to the subject at hand. Is there latent anti-Semitism and childish name calling? YOU BET!


At the first Fact-Off Andy hinted that he generally won the Fact-Offs and that John’s victory was a sizable anomaly. Subsequent Fact-Offs seem to substantiate that claim, as illustrated by a full three-quarters of the official Fact-Offs going to Andy.

Known Occurrences of the Fact-Off[]

Official Fact-Offs[]

  • In which House of Parliament the Queen's Speech takes place; Lords or Commons.
John: Lords
Andy: Commons
  • Which Australian Prime Minister felt-up the Queen.
John: John Howard
Andy: Paul Keating
-While both politicians touched up the monarch, initially the win was given to John, though in a later issue he conceded the point to Andy after an Australian bugler wrote in clarifying the issue.
  • Whether or not Michael Dukakis is still alive.
John: Dead
Andy: Alive
  • Whether Cecil Chubb indeed bought Stonehenge.
John: No
Andy: Yes

Unofficial Fact-Offs[]

Arguments not explicitly stated to be a fact-off but that fit the profile.

  • The correct pronunciation on the American State, "Arkansas."
John: AR-can-saw
Andy: Ar-KAN-zis
  • The offical designation for natives of Bosnia.
John: Bosnians
Andy: Bosniaks
Note: that while both are acceptable, the Bugle has decided that Bosniaks is now the correct term.

Fact-Offs Redacted from the Bugle by the Swiss Government[]

  • Which British singer-songwriter is famous for their songs "John, There's An Awful Lot Wrong With A Little Bump and Grind", "The Greatest Thing There Is (Andy's Wig)", "The First Satire Podcast Rock and Roll Star", and "I Seduced Her, She's Tom The Producer, Screwed That Bitch All Ni-Yight"?
John: Gavin Osborn
Andy: ABBA
Note: It was later discovered that Gavin Osborn's song "Those Children at the Rec in Luton" had infringed copyright laws, and the 30-year-old whimsical folk singer from Bedford had to pay 56,000 dollars (37 Euros) in damages to Marc Bolan of the 70s group 'Tyrannasaurus Rex' - later shortened to 'Tyra-X'. Tom the Producer from the Fact-Off Underlying-Issue Complaints Komittee (F.U.C.K) decided that the question should be annuled from the Fact-Off. }}}
Note Also: John was furious, and along with Former President Bush, he declared war on Crystal Palace. Andy managed to convince John to call a truce by doing his not-world-famous impression of private gynacologist Orange Juice Fudd Nuggets Simpson - commonly known as OJ Simpson - giving birth. Both Buglers agreed to delete this 4 year long Bugle Episode from the Times Online website in May 1945.

The Sections of the Bugle
Audio Cryptic Crossword Ask An American Fact-Off
Bugle Forecast Hotties From History Sport

Fuck you Chris