The Bugle Wiki

The Forcast-Your-Own-Weather Map from the Visual Version of the Bugle

At the end of each show the hosts, Misters Zaltzman and Oliver, make a prediction about the following week. These started out as simply weather forecasts, but have branched out to diverce topics (see below for more).

Accuracy of Predictions[]

Mysteriously, these predictions have always been entirely accurate, and a team from the Royal Museum in Edinburgh has recently begun an investigation into this phenomenon, which was first brought to attention with the June 2008 squirrel massacre, where millions of squirrels were found violently murdered on the streets of Edinburgh.

The world's top scientists have refused to begin a detailed study into the accuracy of Bugle predictions as they fear a Bugle prediction about the accuracy of Bugle predictions during the middle of the study, which would rip a hole through the middle of the universe, leading to the destruction of all matter including noted civil rights activist Kerry Katona and the grave of the Who drummer Keith Moon.

Uses of the Forcast[]

The Bugle forcast has been used by the Bush administration to solve America's economic problems, but forgot to convert it from metric so it obviously didn't work as planned.

The Forecasts Themselves[]

Notes on the Forecasts[]

Just as no two snowflakes are alike, no two Bugle forecasts are the same. That being said, the forecasts generally follow this pattern:

  • Intro to the forecast section
  • Andy asks a question
  • John answers the question
  • Andy gives his prediction
  • End of Bugle

Often however one host, or both, won't give their predictions. Or the forecast may be a statement, such as "there will not be a Bugle next week". For a fuller understanding of the variations of the forecasts see below, or better yet listen to all the issues of the Bugle yourself.

List of Forecasts[]

Issue # Forecast John's Prediction Andy's Prediction
1 Weather Forecast for upcoming week Sunny Dank and Wet
2 Weather Forecast for upcoming week Tornado warning for people of Lester No weather at all
3 Halloween Forecast Trick to treat ratio of 27 to 73 n/a
4 n/a n/a n/a
5 Breakfast Forecast There will be a return to running out and slaughtering own breakfast British breakfasts will have an average of 0.8 eggs, cereal heavy week, and mushrooms popular toward end of week
6 Terror Threat Forecast Upgraded from tense to generally awkward. It will come down for he’s wearing a rucksack, I think I'll more just one carriage away... just to be on the safe side
7 Seasons Forecast In the southern hemisphere, spring is likely to turn to summer In the northern hemisphere, autumn will turn into winter
8 No Forecast; Replaced by Audio Advent Calendar n/a n/a
9 Hanukkah Forecast Hanukkah will end on the 9th day on Wednesday, because 2007 is a leap Hanukkah n/a
10 n/a n/a n/a
10A n/a n/a n/a
11 Fashion Forecast We’ll see lots of flip-flops Lots of people wearing trousers
12 Which day next week will be the best Forecast Saturday Wednesday
13 Will Andy be alone in not completing his tax return in on time for the deadline Forecast n/a n/a
14 Meal Forecast for Tuesday n/a Breakfast- light, requiring midmorning snack. Lunch- heavy, wearing, gluttonous, snooze. Tea & Biscuits perking up slightly. Dinner- tasty, fattening, heart attack, good.
15 Forecast via Sausages For the economy... massive recession For the Super Bowl... will be a draw
16 n/a n/a n/a
17 How many Bagels will Andy Eat in New York Forecast 5 34
18 Will it stop snowing long enough for Andy to get home tomorrow Forecast n/a "I might have to take out citizenship"
19 Squirrel Roadkill Forecast 17 18
20 Is John going to be alive for the next Bugle Forecast Not sure, but will be at the recording even if he is dead n/a
21 How many Nostradamus Predictions will come true this week Forecast Just one, the one about metal birds shooting fire from their beaks. Two;
  • France will dissolve
  • A man with a pointy head will become badminton champion.
22 Number of husbands who tried to explain being caught with another woman by calling "April Fools" Forecast 16.9 million 8.9 million
23 Retrospective Grand National Forecast A horse is going to win it, named Horsy-Mc-Hoof-Hoof Will be won by a Jockey who's surname contains a vowel or by a horse with at least two hips.
24 London Marathon Forecast Person in a Rhino costume will have won it Skinny person will have won it
25 World Snooker Championship Forecast n/a Blue ball will be most important, and Physics will be the key force.
26 Marriage Forecast n/a By the time this is aired Tom the producer will have gotten married.
27 Which nation will Boris Johnson insult if he becomes Mayor of London Forecast Bolivia Armenia
28 Whether or not ACC will actually end next week Forecast Please yes Like the life of Jesus, it never truly ends
29 Democratic Vice Presidential candidate Forecast Bill Clinton Abraham Lincoln
30 ACC Replacement Forecast An audio spot the difference An audio version of spot the difference
31 Finding Life on Mars Forecast Yes; Jimmy Hoffa living comfortably. No, just look at the place it [that is, life] clearly isn't there
32 n/a n/a n/a
33 US Open Forecast Ernie Els will be eaten by a crocodile on the 12th green, then go on to win the tournament from inside the crocodile. Phil Mickelson will [lose]... and tear his mask off and prove truly to have been the killer Charles Manson.
34 n/a n/a n/a
35 Won't be a Bugle next week Forecast n/a n/a
36 Cure finding Forecast Lactose intolerance; just try not to think about it Falling over and impaling yourself on a metal spike; all over body armour
37 What country will Obama live in if he decides to move to Europe Forecast He'll become President of All Europe Barcelona (for the great food)
38 Will Andy finish writing his first show in time for the Edinburgh Festival Forecast No Yes
39 Number of face plants at x-games Forecast At least 50 (all will be sick) More in this week then in the history of the x-games combined
40 Will Andy get to his show in time Forecast It depends on how long this prediction takes It's looking less and less likely
41 Andy getting wife a birthday present by Wednesday Forecast There's no way Surely a reference to my wife in the Bugle, that's present enough for any girl isn't it?
42 Placard waving at Democratic Convention Forecast Score of 72.4 Goebbels on the scale of orchestrated overexcitement. Score in the low 80s
43 Type of temple John McCain will appear in front of in St. Paul Forecast Aztec temple Pyramid, (McCain will be mummified)
44 Andy's attempt to eat his weight in mozzarella Forecast No doubt [he'll be successful] "Those buffalos are going to have some sore tits by the time I'm done with them"
44.1 n/a n/a n/a
45 Who will go bust this week Forecast Microsoft; will be taken over by Manchester City football club
  • The guy who sells flowers on the A40 out of London
  • Bulgaria
46 House ownership Forecast Just the porch Just roof with pillars on corners
47 Bugle's Age Forecast (next week) 1 year 1 year
48 Bugle life expectancy Forecast The Bugle will become powerful and we're going to franchise it out The Bugle will live for all eternity
49 Number-of-meals Forecast for Andy and wife over weekend 14 n/a
50 Asteroid-strike Forecast, before election Chances 7 or 8 to 1 Hopefully not
51 Who's going to win Forecast [Obtained due to gripping fear of one possibility] n/a
52 How long will it take after Jan 20, for cynicism to set in Forecast A whole 3 months 6 days
53 How depressing will John find Las Vegas Forecast Very n/a
54 Roulette Forecast (determined via average of bugler suggestions) Black 11 n/a
55 John will be back next week Forecast n/a Hoorraaayyy!!!
The Real 55 How many children will Andy have by next week? Forecast One, but the next one should be called Reebok. Two, possibly, and he's offering naming rights to Bugle listeners.
56 Will Andy have a new child by next week Forecast Yeah, I think so. Come hell or high water, I will be in the studio with a baby, whether mine or somebody else's.
57 Will Andy have ANOTHER baby by next week Forecast? Medically you'd say no... you're probably capable of anything. Now I've got the power to go up to a woman, lay my hands on her shoulders, and crouch down and catch something.
58 Peace in the Middle East by next week Forecast/ Will Patrick Shannon have tracked us down and killed us Forecast No/ I want to say 100% no, but I've read the email... there is the occasional misspelling of a psychotic. No/ There is certainly the lack of punctuation of someone who is prepared to take life.
59 n/a n/a n/a}

The Sections of the Bugle
Audio Cryptic Crossword Ask An American Fact-Off
Bugle Forecast Hotties From History Sport

Fuck you Chris