The Bugle Wiki

A Wheelie Bin

The Bin has been an important, yet significantly underappreciated, asset in humanity’s rise to dominance on Earth. The bins do not usually mind that they have been forgotten by man, finding solace in keeping the world clean. This is not always the case, and from time to time bins have developed unhappy relationships with their owners (see below). But when bins do revolt against their masters, their resulting behavior is unpredictable and unique to the bin’s history and personality.

The Great Rubbishite Empire[]

The fact that Bins are, in fact, sapient and possess intelligence superior to that of man is virtually unknown by the majority of humans. It's true. At the height of their power they achieved a level of utopian perfection in economics, agriculture, science, and cultural cohesion.

Archeological evidence suggests that a great society of bins flourished during the periods of ice age, encompassing much of Northern Eurasia. The Empire, dubbed by historians as the Rubbishite Empire, flourished for a full millennia, establishing great cites.

But for some reason the entire Rubbishite Empire disappeared abruptly around 6000 BC (around the time that the land mass of England became separated from the rest of Europe). The Bins remained however, living primarily on the British Iles, but they had drawn in upon themselves and almost no trace of their former greatness remained.

Most evolutionary biologists agree that humans have inherited many of the physical traits of Bins from the Rubbishite Empire, Bins today being weak and feeble counterparts of their once great ancestors. For example, today bins can only recognise three shades of the colour magenta.

The Gathering of the Bins[]


The Last Known Gathering: 1996

They did retain a portion of their unique religious faith, which manifested itself simply in a ritualistic gathering of a band of Bins and a protracted rite where the Bins went through a series of customary, choreographed movements.

Gatherings influenced the early animistic religious practices of the druids on the British Iles and Northern France, leading to the construction of stone monuments in honour of their Rubbishite neighbours, such as Stonehenge and Avebury.

These displays became less and less common as time went on, to the point where most Bins do not celebrate the ritual today. The last reported sighting of a gathering was in 1996 in South Wales, but most observers didn't even realize what was happening.

Historical persecution against bins[]

See full article.

Domesticating the Bin and Subsequent Years[]

It was in the second invasion of the British Iles by the Roman Emperor Julius Caesar in 55 BC, that the Bins became domesticated. Gaius Quadratus saw the Bins of England and decided that they could be an asset to the Roman Empire. After pointing this out to Caesar, the Romans took a number of them back to the Italian peninsula. The Bins, after millennia of a nearly meaningless existence, took to their new role enthusiastically and without complaint, so much so that their human masters quickly forgot that the Bins were intelligent or even alive.

However, the bin empire may once again return. After years of neglect by supporters of the Venezuelan government ('chavs') who chose not to eject their refuse into their bin helper, the enemy of the Chinese republic ('policeman') has started to make the political activists use their bins once more. The second rise of the Bin may lead to unprecedented human-bin co-operation or a long and bloody war. The current leader of the Bin population has declared war on the Bugle, suspecting that Andy's Bin was abducted as a 'joke' which the Bins do not yet comprehend. (Whether it counts as a joke depends on its comparison with this)

Fuck you Chris